Untouchabohs Upended in Season's First Non-Win/Non-Tie

Maximum Effort Given in Non-Win to Mustangs

(Disassociated Press) 3 October 2009 - In a battle of unbeaten teams many factors can sway the outcome of a game and the most impactful evil that can befall the chosen ones is a turnover. Unfortunately for your Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 3-1), a turnover swung the course of the game in a non-win/non-tie to the ugly and spiteful Mustangs (Team #141, Ugly Grey, 4-0) at 3:00 pm on Patterson Park Field #5.

Winning the toss again, Captain 'Mad Dog' Lambert gave the ball to the 'Bohs on the opening drive on a spectacular autumn day featuring an interesting crowd of bystanders and one empty city pool. Your protagonists penetrated the opponents well-designed and mobile zone to score the opening touchdown of the game and, after failing to convert on the PAT because of a well-placed defender, held a 6-0 lead.

The Mustangs, who the Untouchabohs had last faced a year earlier (and lost to convincingly on LK #2) employed a tactical offense replete with play-calling and designed routes while downright violating the defense’s soft zone. It should be noted that the 'Bohs had only employed a zone three other times in the last 3 seasons - all games that culminated in defeat. That the 'Bohs even attempted a zone will always be characterized as an intelligent design - not to be confused with the idea that the earth is only 4,000 years old & dinosaurs co-existed with humans - as they did not have as much depth as usual on the defensive side of the ball. Never to be lost in the discussion though, the Mustangs (now to be known as the Horse's Asses) were stacked with athleticism on both sides of the ball. Some of the HA’s ladies likely had male genatalia (I’m not sayin’… I’m just sayin…).

After the Mustangs took the lead with a touchdown and conversion to a shaggy-haired, clean-faced, non-shaving, and very (very) fast Jonas Brother Look-a-Like the Untouchabohs drove down the field only to be screwed like a naughty light bulb by the portly referee who looks like a Kevin Smith wannabe. On a third-and-goal the referee incorrectly told the 'Bohs that it was 3rd and 2 completions. Unfortunately, after a quick toss for 1 yard was executed as such a down-and-distance calls for; the referee then changed his thought and decided that it was, indeed, 4th and goal. The Untouchabohs, never flustered, called a beautiful play that was broken up in the end zone. The evil land of yellow-wearing referees and cosmic forces conspired against the glorious 'Bohs, known throughout the league as a very attractive team, and put them down by one possession, 14-6.

Mettle was on display all day by such players as Jonny 'I'm running a marathon AND I'm a secret agent' Layne, Chris 'Full' Nelson, and Darian 'The Guy in the Red Shorts is Good' Asghari. The QB led the team on another drive, mixing in the run, short, intermediate, and long passes to even the score at 14 apiece.

Having switched to a man-to-man defense after the first defensive debacle did slow down the smoking, drinking, and well-versed quarterback of the Ugly Grey (Notice spelling grey in a way to differentiate the evilness from our own newly-married member Will 'The Engineer' Gray) though a turnover did not result from the switch and the antagonists advanced ahead of the 'Bohs 22-14. The BSSC 'Almost' Play of the game came on the Untouchabohs next possession with 8 seconds remaining before the end of the half. As time expired, Hughes elevated a pass down the left side of the field intended for Nelson who quickly caught the ball at the 8 yard line and lateraled to Fe-QBDBMVP Lauren Asghari who was 'tackled' just short of the line-of-gain. This close call would have given the Untouchabohs a chance in the second half but it was not in the cards. Vegas won this time - that filthy whore.

One tactical play was executed to perfection, though, and the Untouchabohs capitalized. In the second half, in need of a quick score, Hughes took the snap and feigned his characteristic QB run (that Keith 'Don't Call Me Klevin' Levin hates). The evil grey Horse's Ass female with the horrible nose and even worse attitude crossed the line early and fondled the quarterback with her body but failed to 'tackle' Hughes illegally behind the line of scrimmage. Hughes, aware of the 'free play' waved his receivers deep, pumped left and found an uncovered 'Full' Nelson in the right corner for a touchdown.

Though the Untouchabohs ultimately lost by two scores didn't diminish the intensity and determination on display. Drops permeated several offensive drives but each time a ball was dropped the next pass was crisper and the receiver that much more focused. When a completion occurred the defender stuck that person that much more closely on the next pass, when someone scored, the 'Bohs intensity increased on the next play. It is also encouraging that the Untouchabohs displayed a deep game that they had hidden all year and executed perfectly – showing the big-play ability they hadn’t needed yet all year. Also encouraging is the calmness displayed while behind as the ‘Bohs have mentally collapsed several times in previous years. All told, maximum effort was given all game despite the team running out of gas at the end.

The Untouchabohs' next matchup is 10 October 2009 on LK field #2 at 11:00 against another undefeated team, the Charm City Blitz (Team #105, Light Blue, 4-0). Though the final score wasn't in favor of your purple-clad fantasy team, there wasn't a doubt in the world that the 'Bohs gave it their best and never lost their cool, even in defeat.

Potpourri: The 'Bohs gave up 3 gender play touchdowns, no gender play touchdowns had been scored against them in 3 previous games; Jonny 'Secret Agent' Layne had the catch of the game with a diving reception gathered after the ball almost bounced away (BSSC Top 10 Play); The opponent QB wasn't calling plays at the line - just simple pass routes to key receivers (this will be their demise in a rematch); a new addition for Team #130 - Jess 'The Iron Maiden' Hayden had several receptions for the team; Neel 'I like massages at home, please' Gulhar left early to attend to personal business; Greg was the name of the Grey receiver who Adrian almost creamed on a completion in the first half; The Untouchabohs obviously determine the Ravens' fate and had better win on October 10th; The word that indicates a non-win/non-tie will not be used the rest of the year; Special congratulations to Keith & Lauren (Klavery), and to Will & Katrina Gray!