(Bad News) 16 May 2010 - A blatantly-poor referee and a late first half turnover was too much to overcome for the Untouchabohs (Team #124, Orange, 5-1-1) as they faced an ignorant bunch of slutbags also known as Chris Lee's LMU Falcons (Team #125, Navy, 5-2) at Patterson High School Field #2 on Sunday. A late first half turnover, subsequent slutbag score, and an overturned touchdown was too much to overcome on a glorious day in Baltimore.
Losing the opening toss for the second time this season, but failing to start with the ball for the first time as well, the Untouchabohs' Tim 'Warlock' Lambert must have lost his evil powers of controlling the fate of the toss due to some unexpected cosmic disturbance. Such insane revelations, Lambert losing the toss, has caused a flurry of activity at NASA facilities across the country as such things may be a cosmic sign of impending doom. NASA astrophysicists would not respond to inquiries as they were weeping tears of concern.
The first half was a see-saw battle that saw the first turnover of the game slip through the fingers of the vaunted Orange Crush Defense (OCD) preceding a score and two point conversion to put the LMU Falcons up 8-0. Undaunted, the subsequent drive by the 'Bohs moved the ball efficiently down the field for a score though the failed conversion brought the streak of unsuccessful conversions to 11 straight, and the Falcons lead 8-6.
Near-interceptions have become commonplace with the OCD on the field, and a duck of a pass was heaved by the quarterback of the Falcons to the left side of the field. Underthrown, like most of his passes were all day (hence the short route-running of the Falcons' receivers), Will 'Shutdown' Gray picked off the pass and accelerated toward the end zone. Scoring again, but failing to convert (12-straight failed PATs), the game was 12-84 in favor of the 'Bohs. Of note, the Falcons had some guy on the sideline giving everyone a pantload of trash talking, but who was wearing the wrong color shirt. Recent research into derogatory terms has deemed this individual as the definition of a Douche Canoe. Moral experts have determined that such horrible behaviour is unnecessary and the Irish green-clad DC should be gelded like a pedophile.
Running a drag route against the man-to-man defense of the 'Bohs proved highly effective for the Falcons' Justin Rice who had a career day moving over the wash created by the other team's players picking 'Bohs' defenders at the line of scrimmage. Moving down the field the Falcons scored again, though failed to convert the point-after-try (PAT), and extended their lead to 14-12.
The ODB offense hinges on several immutable laws. Accurate passing on conversion series, running with the ball for yardage on midline series, and keeping the defense off of the field for a breather during the game. Risky, low percentage, deep passing is not part of the game plan, but a poor decision by Hughes turned the tide of the game. Moving down the field, and crossing the midline with just over two minutes left, Hughes rolled to his right. Hearing chants from the sideline, and failing to ignore them, he heaved a deep ball, across his body, to the left-center portion of the western end zone. With the ball held up by the wind, and without much juice on it anyway, Rice picked the ball away from the receiver for a crucial turnover.
Referees in this league have difficulty keeping track of the rules while punishing the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, for their apparently striking good looks. Some, perchance, argue it is for the physical style of play that unnerves the typically weak-minded opponents of the 'Bohs and creates a whining that infiltrates the souls of the BSSC yellow-clad rule keepers. The referee stopped the clock with the turnover though he is only authorized to do that with 1:00 or less time left in the first half. This proved advantageous to the navy blue-clad slutbags who were only required to burn one timeout during their drive. Scoring with no time remaining, but with the ferocious and dedicated OCD of the 'Bohs preventing the conversion, the score moved to 20-12 in favor of the pack of worthless Legg Mason trash.
Halftime was a somber one for the 'Bohs who reminisced about lost opportunities and about the potential impending apocalypse that somehow temporarily robbed the 'Warlock' of his game-altering powers. Nonetheless, the Untouchabohs are as resilient as a supercharged trampoline and were intent to fight back against the evil forces conspiring against them.
Taking the opening drive of the second half down the field, all things were clicking. With a few drops scattered in with many more completions, the offense was moving. A pass here and there, with key completions to Danielle Madison, consistently open on the left edge of the field, culminated with a touchdown and a conversion which halted the failed-PAT streak at 12 straight, and moved the 'Bohs even with the Falcons at 20 points apiece.
The referee was throwing yellow hankies all over the field in the first half and not much changed in the second half. Extending drive after drive, the Falcons capitalized on the shady referee, stepson of Satan-the-Referee (see the post from the 'Black' season from Patterson Park Field #4), to score and convert to extend their lead to 28-20. The next 'Bohs drive was also affected, as was the course of the game, during the scoring series. After several throws, too hard for the 'Bohs receivers to handle, the 'Bohs QB found an open Bruce McMillion in the center of the end zone. Well thrown, and caught, the 'Bohs avoided a turnover. FLAG! The referee ruled that McMillion, in FRONT OF THE REFEREE (who stands on the end line) was out of bounds and the pass was incomplete. Bad call, turnover, tide of the game shifted.
The drag routes continued and the deflated Untouchabohs defense allowed a score on the Falcons' possession. Prideful, the PAT was prevented to keep the differential at 14 points with just under five minutes remaining. Things looked bleak for the 'Bohs, who managed to bollocks-up a rally cheer in the offensive huddle. Quitters never win, and winners never quit - as evidenced by LeBron James' lack of character - and the 'Bohs were far from quitting. The first play from scrimmage displayed a lack of respect for the 'Bohs' QB's arm as the safeties maintained their depth during the play. With Hughes taking a seven step drop behind the line, eyeing a deeper pass than usual, and Kendall 'That's MY Ball' Crawford crossing the middle of the field, the QB frantically waved for the receiver to break toward the end zone. Heaving the ball the length of the field, over both the defense and the receiver's shoulder to the left corner of the end zone, Crawford elevated (while shielding the defender from the ball) and hauled in the touchdown. Conversion good, the drive took under one minute to put the game at 34-28.
It was too little, too late, as the Falcons were able to run a slant from the opposite side of the field from Justin Rice to catch the defense a little off-guard and score with under two minutes remaining. Failing to convert again, the Falcons held a 40-28 lead. The final drive of the game ended on a forced gender hail mary with no time remaining giving the resilient Untouchabohs their first regular season loss since the first week of October 2009 against the Mustangs (Team #132, Military Green, 7-0).
The Untouchabohs, #16 overall with the current standings, are poised to make the playoffs for the second consecutive season pending a win this week over Glen Jackson's Catching Touchdowns and Making Babies (Team #119, Lime, 1-6) at the Untouchabohs' Homecoming game of the season at Patterson Park Field #4 at 3:00 PM. Don't be late, we need you all there to help!
POTPOURRI:
- After missing the initial two conversions the 'Bohs went 2-2 and will carry that into the next game and the playoffs;
- The interception was the first interception of a 'Bohs QB since a tipped ball gently landed in the arms of a Daisy Yellow female defender in the Game 2 49-0 drubbing of Tummy Stick Enthusiasts;
- The girl who loves STDs bought the 'Bohs two pitchers after the game and tried to apologize for being intense - unfortunately she should have apologized for Legg Mason people being slutbags;
- JD's southwestern brisket is magnificent;
- Will Grey recorded his 3rd interception of the season, six other 'Bohs have 1 int apiece;
- Lambert's powers will hopefully return this week assuming the solar flares or other cosmic disturbances have been quelled;
- The 'Bohs never-give-up spirit will carry them all far through games and also in life;
Confucius was reached and stated the following: 'The Untouchabohs' greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.'
