Blizzard Reminiscent of Untouchabohs’ Blizzard-like Defense
(Disassociated Press) 19 December 2009 – The Fall 2009 season treated your glorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Black, Seed 10, 9-2) to a season-record of wins, touchdowns, five-hour energy bottles, and JD’s-amplified camaraderie. The blizzard befalling Baltimore this past weekend reminded opponents of their battles with the Bohs and is a harbinger of things to come for opponents in the Spring-2010 season. Though a loss to a well-dressed purple team in the playoffs ended their season in an untimely manner, the integrity and intensity of the Untouchabohs will live on through the annals of BSSCistory.
The Fall-2009 season featured an amazing number of spectacular plays, many of which received Top-10 status on BSSCPN, the official network of the BSSC. As previously reported, Neel’s catch, several defensive interceptions by Chris ‘Full’ Nelson, a key playoff pick by Lauren ‘Fe-QBDBMVP’ Asghari (remember the toe-tapping sideline catch against the obnoxious powder-blue team!), and that one play where Adrian ‘Iggy’ Hughes ran around in circles all earned weekly Top-10 honors and are up for the annual BSSCY (similar to an ESPY) awards to be handed out in January 2010. Every Bohs’ player scored or threw a TD or a conversion this season, also a new team record.
Torrential rains dominated the climate this fall like the Untouchabohs’ defense dominated their opponents; implementing their relatively unique man-to-man defense with a single-high safety to perfection. The Untouchabohs, ‘mudders’ in horse racing terminology, consistently wore cleats to gain traction and wear down the opponents’ defense like a river wears down mile-high mountain ranges. Though the field conditions were the same for both teams, the Untouchabohs managed the game more appropriately and properly prepared for the conditions. Utilizing a derivative of a ‘hording’ gene, Hughes typically deploys a minimum of four footballs per game – and when a towel is used in conjunction with several balls – the Bohs need only play with clean balls.
In the franchise’s initial playoff appearance, your vainglorious Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, showed up to play. With an almost full complement of players the Bohs were able to implement their man-to-man defense with reckless abandon and forced three turnovers against a relatively toothless green team who never seemed to get on track on offense. Despite playing in a quagmire that would make the everglades proud, the Untouchabohs’ offense methodically marched down Patterson High Field 4 while taking excellent care of the ball and respecting the conditions that nature provided.
Such preparation and acclimation to the ambient conditions culminated in a team-driven, emphatic, and emotional victory over Hungover by Halftime (Team #115, Irish Green, Seed 23, 6-2 (now 6-3)), whose performance was flat like watered-down coke in a condensate-laden glass on a warm day. Facing a much tougher opponent whose game was much sharper, the 10-seed Untouchabohs faced Our Chicks Score with Your Mom (Team 124, Daisy, Seed 7, 8-1 (now 8-2)) on Patterson High Field #5 – familiar stomping grounds for your magnificent team.
Untouchabohs’ quarterbacks prior to the second playoff game had thrown 47 touchdowns and only one interception – the last interception coming in Week 2 of the season (9/19/2009). This streak of pick-free games came to an end with nifty defensive coverage that baited the QB into an interception – one that will never happen again. Undaunted, the Untouchabohs’ defense rose to the occasion, like magma angrily rising through a volcano, and turned the momentum in favor of the Bohs. Conversions still haunt the Bohs’ offense so a great deal of effort and progress will need to be made this offseason to rectify the shortcomings. The final coup de grace was a desperation heave by the mentally unraveling QB on a gender play intercepted by the female Asghari. Win #2 of the day and the Bohs were off with their ninth win of the season against only one loss.
After a lengthy break of several hours, the Untouchabohs, newly assuming the 7th Seed, returned in the Round of 8 to face Jerry Knauer’s Fear the Purple (Team #127, Purple, Seed 2, 6-2 (8-2)). In a game that was fought to the bitter end, the Untouchabohs finally ran out of steam despite a rejuvenating kick provided by a new team sponsor, 5-Hour Energy®.
This game was the toughest game of the season for your protagonist Bohs as the opponent featured an ultra-fast female with hands and a giraffe-esque male. The game culminated with an intense series of events that had the evil purple team ahead by 2 over the glorious purple… the Untouchabohs, just turning the ball over with 2 incompletions on the previous possession left FTP with the ball just inside the Untouchabohs’ half of the field. Stepping up, the stout man/woman-man/woman defense that the Untouchabohs purvey perplexed FTP (heretofore referred to as the team-of-destiny) and forced another turnover with just under two minutes to play.
The Bohs’ fortunes ran out of steam, however, and calamity struck. On a 3rd-down pass, after two successive drops would have given the Untouchabohs a first-down inside enemy territory, a sack of the quarterback via two-hands on the QB’s arm, was overturned and the fluttering ball fell into the hands of the ultra-fast female (who may have sported a ‘dangler’ if you know what I mean…). Due to the lack of instant replay on a field with deteriorating light conditions, the call was not overturned, and the Untouchabohs’ season came to an unsettling close.
As more of a prologue, it should be noted that the team-of-destiny won 5 consecutive playoff games and won the Less-Filling Division of the Extreme-Social Conference. If the Untouchabohs are going to lose a game, let it be to the eventual champion. This is also a testament to how talented we truly are when we play as a team. This season was magnificently successful and boasted a great deal of wins on the field as well as off the field.
Congratulations to the newly married (Will and Katrina), newly engaged (Keith and Lauren), the promoted (Bruce, Chris), those moving (Lindsey), and to everyone who found time to show up and hopefully have a great time. Special thanks go to the ‘Mad Dog’ Tim Lambert who consistently ensures that we are all aware of the games and their locations while typically fronting a decent amount of cash for those of us who pay a little bit after the deadline. In addition, he has scissors that possess the ability to cut through t-shirt fabric and keep Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levin sleeveless (which all of the ladies love!).
Thanks so much to the new additions who definitely all impacted games this season: Stephanie ‘Biscotti’ Binetti (4 catches on PP Field 4), Kendall ‘Touchdown’ Crawford (great catch in that last game!), The Iron Maiden Hayden (get yo’ neck fixed), and Alexis ‘Lexi’ Kousouris (great TD on 4th down this year). Without you we would not have enjoyed the degree of success that we earned. Additionally, we all miss our newly promoted and recently departed Chris ‘Full’ Nelson. Congrats to you and your (expanding) family down in Tampa – we’ll all see you in January when we have a reunion that happens to coincide with winter in Baltimore!
Potpourri: Several Untouchabohs were able to fill-in with players on Our Chicks Score With Your Mom and Hebrew Nationals in the Santa Claus Anonymous games (12/12/09); During the second game, Hughes faced a nemesis which extracted 5 INTs from him in his second game quarterbacking ever (LK2, Spring 2008, They were yellow and they are still very arrogant); Bohs’ QBs finished the season with 56 TDs and 3 INTs; Defensively, the Bohs’ allowed an average of 26 ppg and forced a turnover on almost 40% of drives (this includes keeping a team from scoring at the end of a half); Offensively, the Bohs’ scored on 87.7% of drives (averaging 35 ppg); We will beat Fear the Purple next year; The first ‘post’ of this blog took place in March 2009 and is available on the website; I appreciate the time that I get to spend with all of you and I look forward to getting together in Jan or Feb to reunite the team; we need to come up with a name for our defensive and offensive schemes…
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Misty Day Brings Misty Eyes for Boh-Battered Finger Blasters
(Disassociated Press) 12 September 2009 – A valiant swarm of purple defensive dominance squelched a near offensive rebellion today in Baltimore thought the cast was notyour 2009 Baltimore Ravens. Nay, it was a much more intimidating landscape as the Baltimore Untouchabohs (Team 130, Purple, 1-0) soundly molested the Finger Blasters (Team 141, Red, 0-1) 46-26 on Patterson Park Field #4.
The delivery-of-destruction on Team 141 was inspired by the foul music and misty weather hovering over the park at kickoff. Missing a few females, the ‘Bohs were buttressed by the addition of Stephanie ‘Biscotti’ Binetti which complemented the ’09 returning stars Tanisha ‘G’ Gulhar, Danielle Madison, and Lindsey Spotts. The ‘Bohs, known throughout the league as an occasionally contentious and perpetually attractive team, lead from start-to-finish in this opening day contest.
The Finger Blasters, recently upgraded to the Less-Filling Extreme Social (LFES) division from an undefeated season in the Super-Extreme Social (SExS), began the game by botching the coin toss. The ‘coin toss’ was mastered by Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert who deftly beckoned ‘odds’ with the referee hiding three exposed fingers behind his back. The decision to start with the ball in the first half was further validated when the funny-looking, yet very nice, captain of the Red team chose to go with the wind in the first half giving the Untouchabohs the perfect duo of field position and ball possession.
The ‘Bohs’ opening possession involved a rhythmic and methodical drive cadenced like a ticking metronome as the surgeon-like Hughes completed passes to several receivers whilst slicing and dicing a zone so soft it could have been cut with a flaccid banana. Several completions to Madison led the ‘Bohs to scoring range, never facing a 4th down, and culminating in a touchdown by Neel ‘Not Kenny G’ Gulhar (future pseudonym pending) that defied all Einstein knows about physics. Consistently ranked #1 on the BSSCPN Network’s nightly ‘Top 10 Plays’ list, Not Kenny G miraculously (spectacularly, amazingly) caught the ball while falling, left handed, and sideways against his nick and body.
The initial dagger driven into the soulless hearts of the Finger Blasters, who despite their team name still don’t know what warm apple pie feels like, occurred on the ensuing offensive possession when Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne picked off an errant pass. The rag-armed quarterback heaved an uncooked heavenly ham into traffic as he apparently thinks that using an NFL-sized football and losing is better than victorious dominance. To his defense, the Red QB (Ranked 44th out of 45 QBs) did choose the wind in the first half which caused several of his passes to sail. The ‘Bohs scored on their next drive, again blending the zone into a confused mish-mash of goo, to go up two scores and take early control of the game.
Defensive lapses on the next two Finger Blaster drives sandwiched a ‘Bohs’ touchdown. Each instance a shaggy-haired fe-man ran uncovered though the defensive secondary the way that Adrian weaves through traffic after 200 ounces of Starbucks® coffee (not including shots). This was quickly rectified and Lindsey ‘The Leopard’s’ Spotts prowled amongst the Blaster receivers to capture and kill the pass attempt for a glitzy interception. Somewhere in the distance ‘Glamorous’ began playing to honor the defensive stop. The Blasters did manage some near misses as their team of Mannish-Females roamed the field on offense. Butch Diesel (as labeled by S. Binetti) a spunky he-she complemented another female (seen in Deuce Bigalow as the ‘Tall Bitch’) who intermittently fills in for Shaquille O’Neal in Shaq VS. The third was generally a non-factor and nobody can really remember her in any way – which is good for the rest of us who wanted to sleep Saturday night…
The Untouchabohs’ score and 2-pt conversion placed them up by 3 scores leading into halftime. Though the Fingers blasted their way into the end zone to open the second half and managed to take advantage of a rare ‘Bohs turnover on 4th-and-goal from the 4 yard line the game was never truly in doubt. The final drive consisted of time-wasting completions, gender-play mastery, and a 6+ minute time-of-possession that ended with Chris ‘Full-or-Half’ Nelson capturing a high throw through traffic to seal the deal. The most vexing moment occurred approximately 4 minutes into the drive with the ‘Bohs on the opponent’s 25 yard line. Facing man coverage for the first time all day Not Kenny G ran uncovered into the end-zone like the ‘Secret Agent’ when he ran uncovered onto an adjacent zip code. The QB heaved an arcing spiral that gracefully turned-over and pointed straight into the wanting bosom of the receiver – only to mysteriously thud to the Earth observed keenly by both teams. Neel G’s grace in the matter should not be overlooked as the football gods struck-back for the receiver’s magical first-half touchdown. All told, the conversion after the final touchdown was never attempted due to the 18+ point differential rule causing time to run continuously if a team is up by 18+ points in the second half.
Next up for the Untouchabohs is LFES Team #89 (1-0), Andy Beal’s Vegas Gold-adorned Gender Plays are for Girls who soundly defeated their opponent in week #1. This will be a test for the ‘Bohs who will be without leading receiver Danielle ‘DM is for ‘Dis Many Touchdowns’ Madison, Biscotti, and Lauren ‘Fe-QBDBMVP’ Asghari on Patterson High Field #5 at 10:00. It should be noted that this team has all morning games indicating a high degree of seriousness. The ‘Bohs will need to wear their game faces, while having a blast, on Saturday.
Potpourri: PP Field #4 was the scene of an eruption last season causing Darian to be misnamed ‘Freddie’ in an attempt to thwart name-keeping by the lame-duck referee; Adrian played the game with gum on his cleats (Watermelon?); The ‘Bohs females are so attractive that the Finger Blasters (male & female) were heard sobbing in their beer after the game; Mad Dog Lambert is under investigation for increasing his performance by NOT taking performance-altering-substances before the game; Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne was the mysterious keeper of the lost tab at JD’s after the game; The Boh's scored 7 touchdowns and 0 interceptions; A photo exists of ‘Bohs team members providing the grape ‘jelly’ to Team #103's (Chestnut) peanut butter – how naughty!
The delivery-of-destruction on Team 141 was inspired by the foul music and misty weather hovering over the park at kickoff. Missing a few females, the ‘Bohs were buttressed by the addition of Stephanie ‘Biscotti’ Binetti which complemented the ’09 returning stars Tanisha ‘G’ Gulhar, Danielle Madison, and Lindsey Spotts. The ‘Bohs, known throughout the league as an occasionally contentious and perpetually attractive team, lead from start-to-finish in this opening day contest.
The Finger Blasters, recently upgraded to the Less-Filling Extreme Social (LFES) division from an undefeated season in the Super-Extreme Social (SExS), began the game by botching the coin toss. The ‘coin toss’ was mastered by Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert who deftly beckoned ‘odds’ with the referee hiding three exposed fingers behind his back. The decision to start with the ball in the first half was further validated when the funny-looking, yet very nice, captain of the Red team chose to go with the wind in the first half giving the Untouchabohs the perfect duo of field position and ball possession.
The ‘Bohs’ opening possession involved a rhythmic and methodical drive cadenced like a ticking metronome as the surgeon-like Hughes completed passes to several receivers whilst slicing and dicing a zone so soft it could have been cut with a flaccid banana. Several completions to Madison led the ‘Bohs to scoring range, never facing a 4th down, and culminating in a touchdown by Neel ‘Not Kenny G’ Gulhar (future pseudonym pending) that defied all Einstein knows about physics. Consistently ranked #1 on the BSSCPN Network’s nightly ‘Top 10 Plays’ list, Not Kenny G miraculously (spectacularly, amazingly) caught the ball while falling, left handed, and sideways against his nick and body.
The initial dagger driven into the soulless hearts of the Finger Blasters, who despite their team name still don’t know what warm apple pie feels like, occurred on the ensuing offensive possession when Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne picked off an errant pass. The rag-armed quarterback heaved an uncooked heavenly ham into traffic as he apparently thinks that using an NFL-sized football and losing is better than victorious dominance. To his defense, the Red QB (Ranked 44th out of 45 QBs) did choose the wind in the first half which caused several of his passes to sail. The ‘Bohs scored on their next drive, again blending the zone into a confused mish-mash of goo, to go up two scores and take early control of the game.
Defensive lapses on the next two Finger Blaster drives sandwiched a ‘Bohs’ touchdown. Each instance a shaggy-haired fe-man ran uncovered though the defensive secondary the way that Adrian weaves through traffic after 200 ounces of Starbucks® coffee (not including shots). This was quickly rectified and Lindsey ‘The Leopard’s’ Spotts prowled amongst the Blaster receivers to capture and kill the pass attempt for a glitzy interception. Somewhere in the distance ‘Glamorous’ began playing to honor the defensive stop. The Blasters did manage some near misses as their team of Mannish-Females roamed the field on offense. Butch Diesel (as labeled by S. Binetti) a spunky he-she complemented another female (seen in Deuce Bigalow as the ‘Tall Bitch’) who intermittently fills in for Shaquille O’Neal in Shaq VS. The third was generally a non-factor and nobody can really remember her in any way – which is good for the rest of us who wanted to sleep Saturday night…
The Untouchabohs’ score and 2-pt conversion placed them up by 3 scores leading into halftime. Though the Fingers blasted their way into the end zone to open the second half and managed to take advantage of a rare ‘Bohs turnover on 4th-and-goal from the 4 yard line the game was never truly in doubt. The final drive consisted of time-wasting completions, gender-play mastery, and a 6+ minute time-of-possession that ended with Chris ‘Full-or-Half’ Nelson capturing a high throw through traffic to seal the deal. The most vexing moment occurred approximately 4 minutes into the drive with the ‘Bohs on the opponent’s 25 yard line. Facing man coverage for the first time all day Not Kenny G ran uncovered into the end-zone like the ‘Secret Agent’ when he ran uncovered onto an adjacent zip code. The QB heaved an arcing spiral that gracefully turned-over and pointed straight into the wanting bosom of the receiver – only to mysteriously thud to the Earth observed keenly by both teams. Neel G’s grace in the matter should not be overlooked as the football gods struck-back for the receiver’s magical first-half touchdown. All told, the conversion after the final touchdown was never attempted due to the 18+ point differential rule causing time to run continuously if a team is up by 18+ points in the second half.
Next up for the Untouchabohs is LFES Team #89 (1-0), Andy Beal’s Vegas Gold-adorned Gender Plays are for Girls who soundly defeated their opponent in week #1. This will be a test for the ‘Bohs who will be without leading receiver Danielle ‘DM is for ‘Dis Many Touchdowns’ Madison, Biscotti, and Lauren ‘Fe-QBDBMVP’ Asghari on Patterson High Field #5 at 10:00. It should be noted that this team has all morning games indicating a high degree of seriousness. The ‘Bohs will need to wear their game faces, while having a blast, on Saturday.
Potpourri: PP Field #4 was the scene of an eruption last season causing Darian to be misnamed ‘Freddie’ in an attempt to thwart name-keeping by the lame-duck referee; Adrian played the game with gum on his cleats (Watermelon?); The ‘Bohs females are so attractive that the Finger Blasters (male & female) were heard sobbing in their beer after the game; Mad Dog Lambert is under investigation for increasing his performance by NOT taking performance-altering-substances before the game; Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne was the mysterious keeper of the lost tab at JD’s after the game; The Boh's scored 7 touchdowns and 0 interceptions; A photo exists of ‘Bohs team members providing the grape ‘jelly’ to Team #103's (Chestnut) peanut butter – how naughty!
UNTOUCHABOHS BREAK AWAY IN SECOND HALF
(Aqua Iggy News) 22 March 2009 – Patterson Park Field 8 brought a second week of good luck and high scoring to the Untouchabohs (Team #96, 2-1) who took the frustration of a week 1 loss to VVT (Team #131, 3-0) and painted it upon a second-consecutive hapless victim, That’s What She Said (Team #132, 0-3) 45-20. Leading 12-6 on the last possession prior to the half QB Adrian Hughes overthrew wide-open receivers on three consecutive plays, two of them resulting in time-outs, to end the half. The southern end-zone proved to be the most fruitful for the Untouchabohs as they shook their erratic and lethargic first-half and found a comfortable rhythm scoring their remaining 33 points. Both teams traded touchdowns on the ensuing four drives with the ‘Bohs deftly managing their gender-play dominance while offsetting the offensive success against their defenses’ inability to cover a rag-armed speedster QB for TWSS.
The rag-armed bandit was able to complete a few passes to the red-headed stepchild of a wide receiver who, despite rock-solid coverage by the defense, was able to catch several poorly-thrown balls to keep drives alive and keep the game close. Unfortunately, the porous TWSS man-to-man coverage allowed 4 touchdowns of 20 or more yards and never caught-on to the dangerous and successful Flood formation employed consistently by the victors. The ‘Bohs didn’t miss a second-half conversion to increase the margin of victory for a team totaling 95 points over the last two weeks. Girl to girl action provided the hottest moments on the field when FeQB Lauren Asghari hit her female teammate in the end zone to convert the 3-pt play.
An overwhelming show of attendance by all 20 of the ‘Bohs, as well as their dominating Black-laden uniform appearance, created a level of intimidation not wielded during their previous several seasons permeated by spontaneous forfeiture of several games. Even the referee was intimidated when, after the second touchdown to Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne, held terribly by his overmatched defender, addressed a post-TD spike by warning the ‘Bohs to ‘take it easy.’ Adding to the intimidation were several jeers applied toward an Irish Green-wearing-softy who broke both ankles reacting to the only juke move the runner has ever used. Video on BSSCPN has banned showing the images due to their graphic nature.
Next up for Tim Lambert’s Untouchabohs are the Team #119 ‘Da Borough’ who’s 3-0 record poses an opportunity to gain a head-to-head advantage over a team currently above them in the standings. Only an utter lack of humility can stop a team that, when playing well, is Untouchaboh.
The rag-armed bandit was able to complete a few passes to the red-headed stepchild of a wide receiver who, despite rock-solid coverage by the defense, was able to catch several poorly-thrown balls to keep drives alive and keep the game close. Unfortunately, the porous TWSS man-to-man coverage allowed 4 touchdowns of 20 or more yards and never caught-on to the dangerous and successful Flood formation employed consistently by the victors. The ‘Bohs didn’t miss a second-half conversion to increase the margin of victory for a team totaling 95 points over the last two weeks. Girl to girl action provided the hottest moments on the field when FeQB Lauren Asghari hit her female teammate in the end zone to convert the 3-pt play.
An overwhelming show of attendance by all 20 of the ‘Bohs, as well as their dominating Black-laden uniform appearance, created a level of intimidation not wielded during their previous several seasons permeated by spontaneous forfeiture of several games. Even the referee was intimidated when, after the second touchdown to Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne, held terribly by his overmatched defender, addressed a post-TD spike by warning the ‘Bohs to ‘take it easy.’ Adding to the intimidation were several jeers applied toward an Irish Green-wearing-softy who broke both ankles reacting to the only juke move the runner has ever used. Video on BSSCPN has banned showing the images due to their graphic nature.
Next up for Tim Lambert’s Untouchabohs are the Team #119 ‘Da Borough’ who’s 3-0 record poses an opportunity to gain a head-to-head advantage over a team currently above them in the standings. Only an utter lack of humility can stop a team that, when playing well, is Untouchaboh.
Rusty Untouchabohs Spring Clean an Irish Green
(Disassociated Press) 5 April 2009 – An anticlimactic finish was the unfortunate culmination of a game featuring a volatile and tenuous first half. The rust from an unanticipated bye week that postponed the anticipated battle between the Untouchabohs (Team #96, 3-1) and the undefeated Da Borough (Team 119, 4-0) was present during the initial half of play with the previously once-beaten Show-Us-Your-TDs (Team 106, 2-2).
The ‘Bohs’ first drive was wrecked when a questionable call on a dual-possession reception was judged to be an INT - though unofficial instant replays, provided by Geo-QB Adrian Hughes’ imaginary photographic memory, clearly showed dual-possession. Until such definitive evidence is allowed in this X-social league such plays will torment the BSSC’s Competition Committee and the owners meetings’. The staunch Bohs’ defense held in a manner that would make all frigid wives proud by forcing a turnover-on-downs on the ensuing possession. Will ‘Intimidation’ Gray proved his role as team enforcer when a punishing hit on a soft, wet, fearful, purse-donning poser earned the intimidator four plays off and sent the opponents back to their blankies for tear-time. The schizophrenic ensuing drive, punctuated by several drops and displaying enough rust to scare the Tin Man, eventually produced the first score of the game on a completion to Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levine.
A failed 2 point conversion was followed by alternating touchdowns by both teams and left the Bohs’ 56 seconds and two timeouts to go the length of the field leading 14-12. The pressure was palpable on the sidelines when a bomb fell incomplete and the initial timeout was used. A key reception by Jonny ‘Secret-Agent’ Layne crossed midfield and burned the second timeout with 23 seconds remaining. Gender-play dominance by Fe-QB Lauren Asghari proved essential when, lining-up as a wide receiver, the Fe-QB torched her defender Memphis-Style with a 20 yard TD with seconds remaining in the half. The lead grew to 22-12 after the successful conversion and was a crucial drive with the S-U-Y-Ts (read: sluts) gaining the first second-half possession.
In an offensive league, defense still wins championships and the Bohs’ defense came through again in the second half. Brittany Hamilton’s defensive excellence continued with several batted balls and timely tackles while Kyle ‘I hate the Capulets’ Montague (Read Romeo & Juliet People) deftly baited the poor soul of a QB into a key pick. Drives in the second half featured bickering (read: screaming) between center-safety Demon Asghari and the typically loquacious yet soft spoken Hughes acting like petulant 5 year-olds disputing toy allocations, the ‘Secret Agent’ Layne shedding defenders by exploring the end zone in a foreign zip code, and an ugly girl on Team 106 tossing a TD to an almost pant-robbed receiver.
The game ended peacefully when the slack-jawed referee decided that the 36-24 final score was good enough and playing any further just wasn’t worth his time – which we all know is a fraudulent concept at best. The Irish Green bastards were gracious in defeat and left in appropriate fashion with tails placed between legs. Mr. Charles Asghari (Chuck, via barking interpreter) even commented that he wouldn’t try to hump such a forlorn group after such a bitch-slapping.
The Untouchaboh’s will enjoy a second bye week to celebrate the resurrection of Christ and mentally rest to prepare for the second half of the season. The 19 April matchup with cleverly named and properly punctuated Team 121, Dick’s Halfway Inn, 2-2 and on a 2-game winning streak, will occur at poorly manicured and partially contaminated Dundalk Community College. Team 121 may just find out what it’s like to be on the receiving end of full penetration.
Potpourri: Lauren Havery had a face-saving grab on a poorly-thrown ball to keep a drive alive. The warm weather helped the aging Bohs players loosen up in record time. The game had to be moved to a soppy location adjacent to field 5 due to a water main break beneath the original field 4. Tim Lambert almost had his second nipple removed in as many games by an errant Hughes pass attempt. Aaron Warren arrived just in time to consume the first pitchers ordered after victory after Texas-related travel. The secret agent Layne was spotted donning a pink purse after the game and cursing STD-laden bitches who steal power tools. Video evidence exists and is being held at a secret location. Photos are available via Facebook.
The ‘Bohs’ first drive was wrecked when a questionable call on a dual-possession reception was judged to be an INT - though unofficial instant replays, provided by Geo-QB Adrian Hughes’ imaginary photographic memory, clearly showed dual-possession. Until such definitive evidence is allowed in this X-social league such plays will torment the BSSC’s Competition Committee and the owners meetings’. The staunch Bohs’ defense held in a manner that would make all frigid wives proud by forcing a turnover-on-downs on the ensuing possession. Will ‘Intimidation’ Gray proved his role as team enforcer when a punishing hit on a soft, wet, fearful, purse-donning poser earned the intimidator four plays off and sent the opponents back to their blankies for tear-time. The schizophrenic ensuing drive, punctuated by several drops and displaying enough rust to scare the Tin Man, eventually produced the first score of the game on a completion to Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levine.
A failed 2 point conversion was followed by alternating touchdowns by both teams and left the Bohs’ 56 seconds and two timeouts to go the length of the field leading 14-12. The pressure was palpable on the sidelines when a bomb fell incomplete and the initial timeout was used. A key reception by Jonny ‘Secret-Agent’ Layne crossed midfield and burned the second timeout with 23 seconds remaining. Gender-play dominance by Fe-QB Lauren Asghari proved essential when, lining-up as a wide receiver, the Fe-QB torched her defender Memphis-Style with a 20 yard TD with seconds remaining in the half. The lead grew to 22-12 after the successful conversion and was a crucial drive with the S-U-Y-Ts (read: sluts) gaining the first second-half possession.
In an offensive league, defense still wins championships and the Bohs’ defense came through again in the second half. Brittany Hamilton’s defensive excellence continued with several batted balls and timely tackles while Kyle ‘I hate the Capulets’ Montague (Read Romeo & Juliet People) deftly baited the poor soul of a QB into a key pick. Drives in the second half featured bickering (read: screaming) between center-safety Demon Asghari and the typically loquacious yet soft spoken Hughes acting like petulant 5 year-olds disputing toy allocations, the ‘Secret Agent’ Layne shedding defenders by exploring the end zone in a foreign zip code, and an ugly girl on Team 106 tossing a TD to an almost pant-robbed receiver.
The game ended peacefully when the slack-jawed referee decided that the 36-24 final score was good enough and playing any further just wasn’t worth his time – which we all know is a fraudulent concept at best. The Irish Green bastards were gracious in defeat and left in appropriate fashion with tails placed between legs. Mr. Charles Asghari (Chuck, via barking interpreter) even commented that he wouldn’t try to hump such a forlorn group after such a bitch-slapping.
The Untouchaboh’s will enjoy a second bye week to celebrate the resurrection of Christ and mentally rest to prepare for the second half of the season. The 19 April matchup with cleverly named and properly punctuated Team 121, Dick’s Halfway Inn, 2-2 and on a 2-game winning streak, will occur at poorly manicured and partially contaminated Dundalk Community College. Team 121 may just find out what it’s like to be on the receiving end of full penetration.
Potpourri: Lauren Havery had a face-saving grab on a poorly-thrown ball to keep a drive alive. The warm weather helped the aging Bohs players loosen up in record time. The game had to be moved to a soppy location adjacent to field 5 due to a water main break beneath the original field 4. Tim Lambert almost had his second nipple removed in as many games by an errant Hughes pass attempt. Aaron Warren arrived just in time to consume the first pitchers ordered after victory after Texas-related travel. The secret agent Layne was spotted donning a pink purse after the game and cursing STD-laden bitches who steal power tools. Video evidence exists and is being held at a secret location. Photos are available via Facebook.
Untouchabohs Hide the Glitz, Bring the Grit, in 30-8 Grinder
(Aqua Iggy News) 19 April 2009 - What happens when you combine an uneven playing field, shag carpeting for grass, and a local community college in Balmer, Merlin Hon? The Untouchabohs (Team #96, 4-1) methodically destroy your zone, shut down your gender plays, and resoundingly defeat your double-entendre named team without converting one PAT. Fe-QB/DB Lauren Asghari intercepted two passes, one in the end zone, to punctuate the defensive dominance sported by the intense ‘Bohs all season in the Week 5 trouncing of overmatched (snicker, giggle) Dick’s Halfway Inn (Team #121, 1-4).
Starting the first two drives a woman down due several contemporaneous wedding-related absences the ‘Bohs mixed short passing with a touch of gender-play trickery to score the game’s first TD. The ensuing drive by D’sHI resulted in a touchdown and two point conversion to put the ‘Bohs behind the 8-ball, 8-6. Fully stocked with all eight players after a late but timely arrival by catalyst Tanisha Gulhar, the Untouchabohs scored a second TD to gain a four point advantage late in the first half. If April showers are going to grow into May playoffs for Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert’s crop of explosive and attractive talent the ‘Bohs will need to continue punishing teams with points-off-turnovers and methodical morale-crushing drives.
The aggressive defense continued when the now renamed Dick’s Nowhere Inn QB, who showed a complete lack of effective decision-making throughout the game, killed their second possession of the first half with a turnover on downs. Adrian Hughes, V found Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne in the end zone to push the lead to 18-8. Ed Reed’s apparent lovechild/long-lost niece (the ball-hawking Asghari) ended the first half with a door-shutting interception of another lame-duck throw as time expired.
Dick’s Halfway Inn’s impotence continued in the second half when the ‘Boh defense, guided by Strong Safety/Free Safety/Only Safety Darian Asghari, kept the home team scoreless, and without Viagra, on each remaining possession. Both offenses were held down by a playing surface that would have made the crew of ‘That 70s Show’ proud – a field that was so shaggy that Scooby-Do was seen bothering Mr. Charles ‘Chuck’ Asghari on the sideline for Scooby-snacks. At one point the referee couldn’t even find the line-of-scrimmage marker in the puck-devouring mange of a field. Key contributors included 2 scores by Mr. Layne and 1 score apiece by Lauren Havery, Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levine, and Matt ‘Beneath This Lies an Athlete’ Davidson. Defensive intensity was provided time after time by Will ‘The Engineer’ Grey and Lauren ‘You can’t Havery that ball’ Havery – her defensive alter-ego. Dinosaurs would have been proud of this game lacking deep or remarkable offensive plays save for a lucky D’sHI completion that bounded off of four players and a bizarre near-interception involving Coach Lambert’s noggin. Humor took hold late in the game when Untouchaboh players, scattered over the field, screamed to have the ball thrown to the uncovered Lambert who was heard to utter, ‘Yeah, throw me the ball.’ The receiver immediately stood motionless seemingly unaware of the idea of running after the catch but could be seen donning a fantastic grin. The second-half ended with two failed Hail-Mary passes and time expiring.
The team looked ahead to a home matchup with disgustingly-named Sheila Dixon’s Fur (Team #128, 3-2) while an over-caffeinated QB, downing a lukewarm XL coffee, repeatedly ran circles. Next week’s game will be 2:00 pm; Patterson Park Field #4, on April 26th with post-game refreshments served at Kisling’s Tavern (410.327.KISS), win or lose. If the team is going to continue its run toward the playoffs the Untouchabohs produce PATs, and I don’t mean those pats on the behind. Team members were not available for post-game comment as the field was so far removed from the destination watering hole that all members scattered from Dundalk Community College like cockroaches from sunlight.
Potpourri: The ‘Bohs scored 5 TDs today without converting one PAT; 8 points allowed is a season-low; the Boh’s have outscored opponents 175-97; The field’s uneven physiography claimed the knee of a player from Team 93 in the 10:00 Game; The females had to play the game both ways without substitution; Sheila Dixon’s Fur is Irish Green in color… a scary thought.
Starting the first two drives a woman down due several contemporaneous wedding-related absences the ‘Bohs mixed short passing with a touch of gender-play trickery to score the game’s first TD. The ensuing drive by D’sHI resulted in a touchdown and two point conversion to put the ‘Bohs behind the 8-ball, 8-6. Fully stocked with all eight players after a late but timely arrival by catalyst Tanisha Gulhar, the Untouchabohs scored a second TD to gain a four point advantage late in the first half. If April showers are going to grow into May playoffs for Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert’s crop of explosive and attractive talent the ‘Bohs will need to continue punishing teams with points-off-turnovers and methodical morale-crushing drives.
The aggressive defense continued when the now renamed Dick’s Nowhere Inn QB, who showed a complete lack of effective decision-making throughout the game, killed their second possession of the first half with a turnover on downs. Adrian Hughes, V found Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne in the end zone to push the lead to 18-8. Ed Reed’s apparent lovechild/long-lost niece (the ball-hawking Asghari) ended the first half with a door-shutting interception of another lame-duck throw as time expired.
Dick’s Halfway Inn’s impotence continued in the second half when the ‘Boh defense, guided by Strong Safety/Free Safety/Only Safety Darian Asghari, kept the home team scoreless, and without Viagra, on each remaining possession. Both offenses were held down by a playing surface that would have made the crew of ‘That 70s Show’ proud – a field that was so shaggy that Scooby-Do was seen bothering Mr. Charles ‘Chuck’ Asghari on the sideline for Scooby-snacks. At one point the referee couldn’t even find the line-of-scrimmage marker in the puck-devouring mange of a field. Key contributors included 2 scores by Mr. Layne and 1 score apiece by Lauren Havery, Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levine, and Matt ‘Beneath This Lies an Athlete’ Davidson. Defensive intensity was provided time after time by Will ‘The Engineer’ Grey and Lauren ‘You can’t Havery that ball’ Havery – her defensive alter-ego. Dinosaurs would have been proud of this game lacking deep or remarkable offensive plays save for a lucky D’sHI completion that bounded off of four players and a bizarre near-interception involving Coach Lambert’s noggin. Humor took hold late in the game when Untouchaboh players, scattered over the field, screamed to have the ball thrown to the uncovered Lambert who was heard to utter, ‘Yeah, throw me the ball.’ The receiver immediately stood motionless seemingly unaware of the idea of running after the catch but could be seen donning a fantastic grin. The second-half ended with two failed Hail-Mary passes and time expiring.
The team looked ahead to a home matchup with disgustingly-named Sheila Dixon’s Fur (Team #128, 3-2) while an over-caffeinated QB, downing a lukewarm XL coffee, repeatedly ran circles. Next week’s game will be 2:00 pm; Patterson Park Field #4, on April 26th with post-game refreshments served at Kisling’s Tavern (410.327.KISS), win or lose. If the team is going to continue its run toward the playoffs the Untouchabohs produce PATs, and I don’t mean those pats on the behind. Team members were not available for post-game comment as the field was so far removed from the destination watering hole that all members scattered from Dundalk Community College like cockroaches from sunlight.
Potpourri: The ‘Bohs scored 5 TDs today without converting one PAT; 8 points allowed is a season-low; the Boh’s have outscored opponents 175-97; The field’s uneven physiography claimed the knee of a player from Team 93 in the 10:00 Game; The females had to play the game both ways without substitution; Sheila Dixon’s Fur is Irish Green in color… a scary thought.
Hot Weather Earns Cold Shoulder From Satan-the-Referee
(Aqua Iggy News) 26 April 2009 – Composure was a fantasy and not a reality yesterday when an illegally physical and mostly ridiculous Irish Green team (Sheila Dixon’s Fur, Team #128, 2-3) scraped by the scrappy Untouchabohs (Team #96, 4-2) under the watchful eye of an uncoordinated, stupid, forgetful, biased, and blind drunken-monkey of a referee on Field 4 at Patterson Park yesterday. The hot weather melted the spirit and pride of a team that valiantly withstood the handicap of playing with 7 people and few (or no reserves for the females) substitutions.
Despite being outmanned (well, outfemaled) by one the entire game the heavily-favored Boh’s stopped the Irish Green menace on the one-yard line on the first possession of the game. The ensuing drive mixed and matched runs and short passing culminating in a touchdown that again lacked the appropriate 1 or 2 point conversion which has tortured this team all season long. A beautiful drive considering that the Fur had one additional defender all game.
The ensuing possession by the Fur included several miraculous catches by the ugly blonde girl who really wasn’t certain where she was, who she was, or what really was going on. A deep ball, setting the tone for the rest of the game concluded the drive with a TD to tie the score at 6 points apiece. The Bohs rallied to muster another drive with several key completions to the Asghari pair, celebrating one glorious year together, finishing with a TD and failed 2 point conversion. The Fur displayed some resiliency themselves, somehow driving down the field without repeatedly tripping, and scoring a touchdown after a blatant push-off that followed a brutal, illegal, immoral, and unholy pick in the end zone. The Bohs stellar, if undermanned, defense stood proud and kept the conversion attempt from completion to keep the score tied at 12 going into halftime.
The second half began sluggishly as the heat was grinding on all members of the Untouchabohs. Half jogging and walking was prevalent as all members of the team mustered the remaining energy from their overheated engines. The Bohs drive put them up by eight with a TD to the Secret Agent and a 2 point conversion by the lanky, athletic, and fiery Darian “Demon” Asghari. Unfortunately for the Bohs’ Adrian Hughes, V (yup, the fifth) got burned five-times-over on a long bomb to a slutbag named Steve (no relation to Steve-O) who was tackled at the one yard line on a diving two-hand-touch leaving the overweight Hughes battered, lacerated, and bruised from landing on the concrete field.
Tied again at 20 points the heat melted the Untouchabohs’ resolve when members of the team failed to shake their defenders for Asghari on a 4th and 1 situation and turned the ball over to the Fur. Several drops punctuated this drive including one ball thrown to a receiver without an effort to even catch the hurled, tackified, pigskin (vinylskin in reality…). Another drive for the Irish Green Fur consistently executed blatant and malicious picks to free receivers on the field to put them up 26-20. The ensuing two-point try showed exactly how uneven the calls were when the green team lined up without waiting for the defense to set and snapped the ball. Several times throughout the game the referee stopped play to allow the green team to get set on defense – even during possessions. Most likely this herpes-laden, drugged-out lame-ass referee couldn’t figure out how to work his clock. Luckily enough the quarterback didn’t notice the 6 other receivers who weren’t covered and through to the pale-faced and giant-headed leper of a human who Hughes had purposefully left ‘open.’ The successful baiting and an assist by ‘The Engineer’ Will Gray kept the Boh’s within striking distance.
Spreading the ball around, including a 4th and 1 completion to the “C” of the team, Senor Tim Lambert culminated in the referee blowing another call and putting star Brittany Hamilton in the end zone to tie the game at 26. Unfortunately, this blown call by Satan-the-Referee hurt the Boh’s because it took the game to the two-minute warning and did not allow the Boh’s enough time to run out the clock. This also pointed to the shortcomings of the side judge who was seemingly happiest sporting his knee-highs and horrific bandana.
The final drive for the Fur, and essentially the final drive of the game save for the incomplete Hail-Mary attempt, included several more illegal picks, formations, and further help from Lucifer. Several times during the drive the Fur had an illegal procedure penalty but Satan decided not to run the clock as is customary on an offensive penalty within the last 2 minutes of the game. Several short plays later the receiver broke free after a blatant push-off that the Commander of Hell actually called, but at a price. In penance against himself for calling a penalty on the Chosen Team, Demon Numero Uno ejected Freddie Cassilly (or so he believed) for tagging the foul-committing receiver. In a game where a tackle consists of two hands contacting the receiver (i.e. ‘Two hand touch’) it is ironic that ejections occur when that receiver is, indeed, touched.
The Boh’s will take on Team #120 (Kobra Kai, 2-4) next week at the pasture Dundalk Community College Field 1 at 11:00 to try to avenge a game taken from them by the Commander-in-Hades and his evil ‘refereeing.’ Though stars Keith “Don’t call me Klevin” Levin and likely several others will not be able to make it those that do show up will undoubtedly give their all and secure a victory.
Potpourri: It was hot as hell today; the females who did show had to play without substitution for a second-straight game; 11 people out of 20 showed up for the game (two were infirmed); the referee will be ritualistically burned in effigy prior to the next game; the Boh’s have outscored opponents 201-129.
Despite being outmanned (well, outfemaled) by one the entire game the heavily-favored Boh’s stopped the Irish Green menace on the one-yard line on the first possession of the game. The ensuing drive mixed and matched runs and short passing culminating in a touchdown that again lacked the appropriate 1 or 2 point conversion which has tortured this team all season long. A beautiful drive considering that the Fur had one additional defender all game.
The ensuing possession by the Fur included several miraculous catches by the ugly blonde girl who really wasn’t certain where she was, who she was, or what really was going on. A deep ball, setting the tone for the rest of the game concluded the drive with a TD to tie the score at 6 points apiece. The Bohs rallied to muster another drive with several key completions to the Asghari pair, celebrating one glorious year together, finishing with a TD and failed 2 point conversion. The Fur displayed some resiliency themselves, somehow driving down the field without repeatedly tripping, and scoring a touchdown after a blatant push-off that followed a brutal, illegal, immoral, and unholy pick in the end zone. The Bohs stellar, if undermanned, defense stood proud and kept the conversion attempt from completion to keep the score tied at 12 going into halftime.
The second half began sluggishly as the heat was grinding on all members of the Untouchabohs. Half jogging and walking was prevalent as all members of the team mustered the remaining energy from their overheated engines. The Bohs drive put them up by eight with a TD to the Secret Agent and a 2 point conversion by the lanky, athletic, and fiery Darian “Demon” Asghari. Unfortunately for the Bohs’ Adrian Hughes, V (yup, the fifth) got burned five-times-over on a long bomb to a slutbag named Steve (no relation to Steve-O) who was tackled at the one yard line on a diving two-hand-touch leaving the overweight Hughes battered, lacerated, and bruised from landing on the concrete field.
Tied again at 20 points the heat melted the Untouchabohs’ resolve when members of the team failed to shake their defenders for Asghari on a 4th and 1 situation and turned the ball over to the Fur. Several drops punctuated this drive including one ball thrown to a receiver without an effort to even catch the hurled, tackified, pigskin (vinylskin in reality…). Another drive for the Irish Green Fur consistently executed blatant and malicious picks to free receivers on the field to put them up 26-20. The ensuing two-point try showed exactly how uneven the calls were when the green team lined up without waiting for the defense to set and snapped the ball. Several times throughout the game the referee stopped play to allow the green team to get set on defense – even during possessions. Most likely this herpes-laden, drugged-out lame-ass referee couldn’t figure out how to work his clock. Luckily enough the quarterback didn’t notice the 6 other receivers who weren’t covered and through to the pale-faced and giant-headed leper of a human who Hughes had purposefully left ‘open.’ The successful baiting and an assist by ‘The Engineer’ Will Gray kept the Boh’s within striking distance.
Spreading the ball around, including a 4th and 1 completion to the “C” of the team, Senor Tim Lambert culminated in the referee blowing another call and putting star Brittany Hamilton in the end zone to tie the game at 26. Unfortunately, this blown call by Satan-the-Referee hurt the Boh’s because it took the game to the two-minute warning and did not allow the Boh’s enough time to run out the clock. This also pointed to the shortcomings of the side judge who was seemingly happiest sporting his knee-highs and horrific bandana.
The final drive for the Fur, and essentially the final drive of the game save for the incomplete Hail-Mary attempt, included several more illegal picks, formations, and further help from Lucifer. Several times during the drive the Fur had an illegal procedure penalty but Satan decided not to run the clock as is customary on an offensive penalty within the last 2 minutes of the game. Several short plays later the receiver broke free after a blatant push-off that the Commander of Hell actually called, but at a price. In penance against himself for calling a penalty on the Chosen Team, Demon Numero Uno ejected Freddie Cassilly (or so he believed) for tagging the foul-committing receiver. In a game where a tackle consists of two hands contacting the receiver (i.e. ‘Two hand touch’) it is ironic that ejections occur when that receiver is, indeed, touched.
The Boh’s will take on Team #120 (Kobra Kai, 2-4) next week at the pasture Dundalk Community College Field 1 at 11:00 to try to avenge a game taken from them by the Commander-in-Hades and his evil ‘refereeing.’ Though stars Keith “Don’t call me Klevin” Levin and likely several others will not be able to make it those that do show up will undoubtedly give their all and secure a victory.
Potpourri: It was hot as hell today; the females who did show had to play without substitution for a second-straight game; 11 people out of 20 showed up for the game (two were infirmed); the referee will be ritualistically burned in effigy prior to the next game; the Boh’s have outscored opponents 201-129.
Mother’s Day, Schmothers Day. Undefeated Team Upends Untouchabohs
(Aqua Iggy News) 10 May 2009 – Eight seconds separated the Untouchabohs (Team #96, 4-3) from victory over the undefeated Da Borough (Team #119, 7-0). Unfortunately the Irish Green Swine Flu-ers drove the length of the field to score the decisive TD leaving the protagonist Boh’s behind the 8-Boh for the second straight game. Da Borough was consistently aided by a series of miraculous catches by the female members – specifically the lovechild of Terrell and Kelly Gregg. Hideous in appearance, her gifted hands provided several key receptions for ‘IT’’s team in the 40-32 victory.
In a climate best described as blustery, though more like a whirling dervish, passes from both teams failed to hit their mark during their first possessions. Winds constantly altered ball flights and abundant drops afflicted the receiving corps of the Bohs. A failed 4th-and-1 conversion in the first half allowed Team 116 to take the lead 8-0 on a deep pass completion by an uncovered receiver and a successful 2-point conversion. The Bohs came back with an attitude as QB AH5 (Yup, the fifth) led his team down the field with key completions to Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levine, Lauren ‘You Can’t Havery That’ Havery, and the man known as the Secret Agent Spiker, Jonny Layne. The second Da Borough drive also finished with a touchdown and two point conversion despite the Boh defenders tipping the ball several times along the way.
The pressure began to mount with the Boh’s third possession, down by 8, knowing that the game could effectively end without a score and a 2-point conversion – something with which the Boh’s have struggled mightily in recent weeks. Fighting the elements the Bohs developed a yet-seen swagger with several consecutive completions, tight spirals, and solid pass catching. This drive was punctuated by a touchdown and amazing grab by Darian ‘Demon’ Asghari in a sensational amount of traffic despite a sea of wanting hands grabbing at the heaving chest of the receiver.
The first half finished in a 16-apiece tie and a warning from the referee about illegal touching. Charles ‘Chuck’ Asghari barked at such mundane and unnecessary comments then devoured an entire Tupperware container of water. ‘Such tomfoolery,’ he exclaimed, followed by abundant water splashing and rehydrative acts.
Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne contributed greatly in the second half – aided by clearly delineated end zone lines. Historically, Layne has avoided defenders when playing on PHS Field 4 by running into adjacent zip codes and strange neighborhoods. Da Borough scored on their first possession of the second half – aided by a catch and run by the ‘IT’ lovechild – and converted their third consecutive 2-point try. It should be pointed out again that Lauren Havery saved a TD with her tackle short of the end zone and that the Boh defense forced the Irish Green Nuisance to use all of their plays to break the plane of the end zone. Fresh off a cruise ship, tanned, toned, and sober despite a foray into the Duty-Free shop Havery showed why she is one of the important contributors to the team.
Down by 8 again, the Boh moxie was in a full-fledged outbreak that even Valtrex wouldn’t be able to handle as the team milked the clock from 7:05 to below the two minute warning. The game-tying TD was caught and spiked by the Secret Agent Spiker Layne on a no-look completion from Hughes. Such naughtiness from the emotional Secret Agent is a staple of the team’s success though it required the referee – not a slackjaw like last game’s Lord of the Darkness – needed a clarification about the penalty. Ten yards were added to the 2 point try, making it a 20 yard 2-point attempt. Getting the ball into the end zone, into the wind, into a mass of 15 bodies (half of which were covered in Irish Green and smelled like they needed to use Irish Spring) was going to be difficult.
On a play that included some semblance of a strategy – something else to improve upon heading into next week’s season finale – the additional yardage was one more obstacle between a tie and a definite loss. With the male Asghari open for a split second, Hughes saw a seam that the Secret Agent was about to exploit in the front of the end zone. In such a stealth manner Layne cut in front of two Green defenders and snared a low, un-tippable, ball with a diving attempt. Conversion good, game tied, moxie and uncontrolled outbreak in full effect.
Though the game ended on another hail-mary attempt, which Will ‘The Engineer’ Grey caught at the 0.075 yard line after a game winning drive by the oxymoronic undefeated losers (did anyone see the guy with the semi-rimless, silver, polycarbonate, anti-reflective glasses?) the Bohs could walk off of the field proud and with a lot to look forward to next week and forevermore…
Potpourri: The referee was humorously struck by a ball unintentionally tipped by a Boh defender; that throw was intended to decapitate her; Charles ‘Chuck’ Asghari has been inferring he doesn’t want to be a team mascot – he prefers Talisman; Since he doesn’t prefer Miller Lite to Dos Equis, the Most Interesting Man in the World was seen lurking on the sideline looking for used Landshark Lager bottles with enough backwash to drink; no team missed a 2 pt conversion; Captain Tim Lambert was seen perusing X-Rays of Brett Favre’s torn bicep; unlike Chris Cooley, nobody on the team has blogged their penis, yet.
In a climate best described as blustery, though more like a whirling dervish, passes from both teams failed to hit their mark during their first possessions. Winds constantly altered ball flights and abundant drops afflicted the receiving corps of the Bohs. A failed 4th-and-1 conversion in the first half allowed Team 116 to take the lead 8-0 on a deep pass completion by an uncovered receiver and a successful 2-point conversion. The Bohs came back with an attitude as QB AH5 (Yup, the fifth) led his team down the field with key completions to Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levine, Lauren ‘You Can’t Havery That’ Havery, and the man known as the Secret Agent Spiker, Jonny Layne. The second Da Borough drive also finished with a touchdown and two point conversion despite the Boh defenders tipping the ball several times along the way.
The pressure began to mount with the Boh’s third possession, down by 8, knowing that the game could effectively end without a score and a 2-point conversion – something with which the Boh’s have struggled mightily in recent weeks. Fighting the elements the Bohs developed a yet-seen swagger with several consecutive completions, tight spirals, and solid pass catching. This drive was punctuated by a touchdown and amazing grab by Darian ‘Demon’ Asghari in a sensational amount of traffic despite a sea of wanting hands grabbing at the heaving chest of the receiver.
The first half finished in a 16-apiece tie and a warning from the referee about illegal touching. Charles ‘Chuck’ Asghari barked at such mundane and unnecessary comments then devoured an entire Tupperware container of water. ‘Such tomfoolery,’ he exclaimed, followed by abundant water splashing and rehydrative acts.
Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne contributed greatly in the second half – aided by clearly delineated end zone lines. Historically, Layne has avoided defenders when playing on PHS Field 4 by running into adjacent zip codes and strange neighborhoods. Da Borough scored on their first possession of the second half – aided by a catch and run by the ‘IT’ lovechild – and converted their third consecutive 2-point try. It should be pointed out again that Lauren Havery saved a TD with her tackle short of the end zone and that the Boh defense forced the Irish Green Nuisance to use all of their plays to break the plane of the end zone. Fresh off a cruise ship, tanned, toned, and sober despite a foray into the Duty-Free shop Havery showed why she is one of the important contributors to the team.
Down by 8 again, the Boh moxie was in a full-fledged outbreak that even Valtrex wouldn’t be able to handle as the team milked the clock from 7:05 to below the two minute warning. The game-tying TD was caught and spiked by the Secret Agent Spiker Layne on a no-look completion from Hughes. Such naughtiness from the emotional Secret Agent is a staple of the team’s success though it required the referee – not a slackjaw like last game’s Lord of the Darkness – needed a clarification about the penalty. Ten yards were added to the 2 point try, making it a 20 yard 2-point attempt. Getting the ball into the end zone, into the wind, into a mass of 15 bodies (half of which were covered in Irish Green and smelled like they needed to use Irish Spring) was going to be difficult.
On a play that included some semblance of a strategy – something else to improve upon heading into next week’s season finale – the additional yardage was one more obstacle between a tie and a definite loss. With the male Asghari open for a split second, Hughes saw a seam that the Secret Agent was about to exploit in the front of the end zone. In such a stealth manner Layne cut in front of two Green defenders and snared a low, un-tippable, ball with a diving attempt. Conversion good, game tied, moxie and uncontrolled outbreak in full effect.
Though the game ended on another hail-mary attempt, which Will ‘The Engineer’ Grey caught at the 0.075 yard line after a game winning drive by the oxymoronic undefeated losers (did anyone see the guy with the semi-rimless, silver, polycarbonate, anti-reflective glasses?) the Bohs could walk off of the field proud and with a lot to look forward to next week and forevermore…
Potpourri: The referee was humorously struck by a ball unintentionally tipped by a Boh defender; that throw was intended to decapitate her; Charles ‘Chuck’ Asghari has been inferring he doesn’t want to be a team mascot – he prefers Talisman; Since he doesn’t prefer Miller Lite to Dos Equis, the Most Interesting Man in the World was seen lurking on the sideline looking for used Landshark Lager bottles with enough backwash to drink; no team missed a 2 pt conversion; Captain Tim Lambert was seen perusing X-Rays of Brett Favre’s torn bicep; unlike Chris Cooley, nobody on the team has blogged their penis, yet.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Saturday to Pop the Untouchabohs' Playoff Cherry
Yikes, that’s just soooooo wrong….
(Aqua Iggy News) 18 November 2009 – A petulant whore of a nor’easter swept through the region last weekend and precluded the Untouchabohs from losing their playoff virginity. The Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 7-1) will, however, take the field against the intense Hungover By Halftime (Team #115, Irish Green, 6-2) at 9:45 am this Saturday, 21 November 2009 at Patterson High School #4.
The Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, utilize an amazing and unique form of the spread offense that not only places increased pressure on the defense but also milks the clock the way that Gaylord Focker milks a cat. The Untouchabohs’ hectic and uncoordinated routes perpetually confuse both the zone defenders as well as ‘Bohs’ quarterback Adrian ‘Aqua Iggy’ Hughes, V while stretching the opponent’s zone like saran wrap over a balance ball.
Based in Baltimore, MD, the ‘Bohs carry the grit of their blue-collar town while gracing the field with such elegance that, as stated in previous columns, may cause Himalayan Monks to shed tears of euphoria. This juxtaposition of styles bodes well for the ‘Bohs, managed by Timothy ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert, who have shown great character in the muddy, foggy, and rainy conditions that are seasonal at their home latitude (39.2884 N) and longitude (76.5795 West). Wearing a badge of pride when referred-to as ‘mudders,’ the Untouchabohs’ have matured to wearing cleats in sloppy conditions, and they never thrown a ‘Hot Dog in the Rain.’
Great moments have filled the ‘Bohs stocking long before Santa has time to spin the Driedl and light the Kinara around the Festivus pole. Neel ‘Cowboys’ Gulhar had perhaps the most amazing game in which he actually caught a ball while sliding, backwards and sideways, one-handed, against his face – though he caused a great deal of hilarity when he dropped a game-clinching pass in the right corner of the end zone later in the same game. The season also included a finger-tip, tightrope walking, toe-tapping catch against the sideline of LK#2 by Lauren ‘Fe-QBDBMVP’ Asghari who just recently began wearing cleats… look out everyone! Two games this season had momentous momentum shifts when Chris ‘Full’ Nelson intercepted the quarterback in the first halves of games that the ‘Bohs ultimately won. The stories continue, but they will be revisited during post-game happy hour at the Untouchabohs’ favorite watering hole, JD’s!
Focus has been on display in great quantities and immense intensities during the grind of the BSSC football season. Unlike the great black explosion of 2008 when the ‘Bohs were molested by a malevolent Satan of a referee at Patterson High Field #4, this version of the Untouchabohs displays great character. Dynastic victories have come from the ashes of defeat like the Phoenix rising from its own wreckage. Trying times forged a focus so intense that NASA physicists have recalibrated the Hubble to focus more like the Untouchabohs. Mettle and grit were exuded in such copious quantities that you could polish granite with the Untouchabohs’ exterior. They are a truly fascinating team to be around.
Defense wins championships, and in order to keep the pleasurable playoff experience percolating beyond their initial game the Untouchabohs’ will need to play defense like a swarm of killer bees that’ve sited their unfortunate prey. Attacking after the initial wash will be crucial for SS Darian ‘I won’t lose my cool this week because I’ll be ejected and the team will need to play 7-on-8 for the remainder of the game’ Asghari (Formerly Darian ‘T.O.’ Asghari, soon to be Darian ‘Ghandi’ Asghari) to storm the unwitting HbyH quarterback just after the 5-count.
The Playoff Experience that will be gleaned from this weekend will surely bring glory to the vainglorious Untouchabohs who failed to put the brakes on a 50-22 win that could have easily been 62-22 – a certifieable butt-whipping over a hapless opponent who faced the same attendance issues of ‘Bohs’ past. They will surely miss those who cannot attend due to a Redskins’ game, moving out-of-state, and even to H1N1. Hopefully key contributions will be made by Stephanie ‘Biscotti’ Binetti, Kendall ‘Ed Reed’ Crawford, and Lindsey ‘Leopards’ Spotts.
The dynastically-blessed Untouchabohs’ irrepressible grit, magnificent guile, and uncontainable pride will surely guide your cunning heroes to victory. Go ‘Bohs!
(Aqua Iggy News) 18 November 2009 – A petulant whore of a nor’easter swept through the region last weekend and precluded the Untouchabohs from losing their playoff virginity. The Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 7-1) will, however, take the field against the intense Hungover By Halftime (Team #115, Irish Green, 6-2) at 9:45 am this Saturday, 21 November 2009 at Patterson High School #4.
The Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, utilize an amazing and unique form of the spread offense that not only places increased pressure on the defense but also milks the clock the way that Gaylord Focker milks a cat. The Untouchabohs’ hectic and uncoordinated routes perpetually confuse both the zone defenders as well as ‘Bohs’ quarterback Adrian ‘Aqua Iggy’ Hughes, V while stretching the opponent’s zone like saran wrap over a balance ball.
Based in Baltimore, MD, the ‘Bohs carry the grit of their blue-collar town while gracing the field with such elegance that, as stated in previous columns, may cause Himalayan Monks to shed tears of euphoria. This juxtaposition of styles bodes well for the ‘Bohs, managed by Timothy ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert, who have shown great character in the muddy, foggy, and rainy conditions that are seasonal at their home latitude (39.2884 N) and longitude (76.5795 West). Wearing a badge of pride when referred-to as ‘mudders,’ the Untouchabohs’ have matured to wearing cleats in sloppy conditions, and they never thrown a ‘Hot Dog in the Rain.’
Great moments have filled the ‘Bohs stocking long before Santa has time to spin the Driedl and light the Kinara around the Festivus pole. Neel ‘Cowboys’ Gulhar had perhaps the most amazing game in which he actually caught a ball while sliding, backwards and sideways, one-handed, against his face – though he caused a great deal of hilarity when he dropped a game-clinching pass in the right corner of the end zone later in the same game. The season also included a finger-tip, tightrope walking, toe-tapping catch against the sideline of LK#2 by Lauren ‘Fe-QBDBMVP’ Asghari who just recently began wearing cleats… look out everyone! Two games this season had momentous momentum shifts when Chris ‘Full’ Nelson intercepted the quarterback in the first halves of games that the ‘Bohs ultimately won. The stories continue, but they will be revisited during post-game happy hour at the Untouchabohs’ favorite watering hole, JD’s!
Focus has been on display in great quantities and immense intensities during the grind of the BSSC football season. Unlike the great black explosion of 2008 when the ‘Bohs were molested by a malevolent Satan of a referee at Patterson High Field #4, this version of the Untouchabohs displays great character. Dynastic victories have come from the ashes of defeat like the Phoenix rising from its own wreckage. Trying times forged a focus so intense that NASA physicists have recalibrated the Hubble to focus more like the Untouchabohs. Mettle and grit were exuded in such copious quantities that you could polish granite with the Untouchabohs’ exterior. They are a truly fascinating team to be around.
Defense wins championships, and in order to keep the pleasurable playoff experience percolating beyond their initial game the Untouchabohs’ will need to play defense like a swarm of killer bees that’ve sited their unfortunate prey. Attacking after the initial wash will be crucial for SS Darian ‘I won’t lose my cool this week because I’ll be ejected and the team will need to play 7-on-8 for the remainder of the game’ Asghari (Formerly Darian ‘T.O.’ Asghari, soon to be Darian ‘Ghandi’ Asghari) to storm the unwitting HbyH quarterback just after the 5-count.
The Playoff Experience that will be gleaned from this weekend will surely bring glory to the vainglorious Untouchabohs who failed to put the brakes on a 50-22 win that could have easily been 62-22 – a certifieable butt-whipping over a hapless opponent who faced the same attendance issues of ‘Bohs’ past. They will surely miss those who cannot attend due to a Redskins’ game, moving out-of-state, and even to H1N1. Hopefully key contributions will be made by Stephanie ‘Biscotti’ Binetti, Kendall ‘Ed Reed’ Crawford, and Lindsey ‘Leopards’ Spotts.
The dynastically-blessed Untouchabohs’ irrepressible grit, magnificent guile, and uncontainable pride will surely guide your cunning heroes to victory. Go ‘Bohs!
Monday, November 9, 2009
Go Deep Lacks Depth in 50-22 Shellacking
A Season's-Worth of Frustration Expelled on Really Nice Team
(Disassociated Press) 7 November 2009 – Indian summer, officially the first warming period after the season’s initial frosting, brought glorious conditions to the vainglorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 7-1) as they massacred the undermanned (literally) Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-7) on Patterson High Field #7 Saturday.
Initial note: Never again will we conduct ourselves in the way that we conducted ourselves against an overmatched and undermanned opponent. I hope that most of us can look back at the game with a candid eye and note that we should have called off the dogs a little sooner than we did – since we didn’t call off the dogs all game. It should not be lost that we had just had 4 consecutive games against teams with a combined 18-0 record, and that explains why we were all as giddy as schoolgirls at the sight of a meek and toothless team who subsequently watched us celebrate, and graciously took our photo after the game. If we ever play a wounded team again, after the game has been put away, we will still play hard but we will NEVER rub it in like we did on Saturday. At the time, our Hail Mary at the end of the first half is satisfactory, but driving at the end of the game, up by 28, was unacceptable. I take full blame for this localized low-class maneuver and I will never let it happen again.
That said… I continue…
The Untouchabohs were facing a team that actually resembled the Untouchabohs of 3 of the last 4 seasons – talented but with only 7 players (4 of which were women) – literally undermanned. Go Deep fought hard and with a great deal of tenacity all game but still found themselves down at the half 22-14. It would have been more, but the referee, the Redskins ski cap-wearing fool (who’s not all that bad, actually) disallowed a full-field Hail Mary that was completed from Aqua Iggy Hughes to Kendall ‘That’s MY ball’ Crawford as time expired. That actually put the Untouchabohs in a position where they were only up one score (and conversion) with Go Deep getting the ball to start the second half.
Proof is in the pudding, and the ‘Bohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, did show that they were unwilling to play down to an inferior opponent. As a Terrapin fan, this is something I’m familiar with as those teams always seem to play up, or down, to the opponent at hand (grrrrrr). Driving down the field on the initial possession, the ‘Bohs completed a deep pass to Will ‘Shutdown’ Gray on the same route run the previous week. Hughes found the cannon-of-old and threw a laser beam over-and-through Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne to fail to convert (again) on the PAT.
Hughes doesn’t have any idea how the turnover happened on the ‘Deep’s initial possession since he was talking to the 0-8 Purple team that remained after the game to watch the drubbing. The ‘Bohs did take over, though, on such a short field that Hughes, barely aware he was playing offense again, overthrew the ENTIRE FIELD by 15 yards. The ‘Bohs were still able to score and put themselves up 14-0 with the successful conversion.
The proof is still in the pudding, as the following 3 possessions of the game will show. The Untouchabohs have made a living by controlling the clock and limiting the opponent’s opportunities to score. By deviating from this, the ‘Bohs actually risked this game being closer than it should have been…
The Go Deep really were getting pounded all game but did exhibit gender-play dominance. Driving down the field and scoring. The subsequent conversion put the devious ‘Deepers’ down by 6 with plenty of time remaining in the first half. Lesson! The greedy and somewhat malevolent ‘Bohs decided to air it out again and scored on 5 plays to extend their lead, with the successful PAT to Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert, to 22-8. By not milking any clock, your magnificent ‘Bohs gave the gritty opponent a chance to drive down the field again. A clear violation of the Offense is Defense, Biotch (OD,B) offense the ‘Bohs have run all season. This will not extend into this important weekend’s playoffs!
Moving from left-to-right on your screen, the Go Deep continued gender play dominance and scored another TD in the first half. Scoring was Lauren ‘The Blonde Captain of the Opponents’ Hoffman who made a fantastic, leaping, catch in the end zone. The failed PAT still shrunk the lead, like cold temperatures shrink a naked male, to 22-14 and gave the ‘Bohs the ball back with less than one minute remaining.
Trickeration typically manages to 1) trick the opponent (a good thing) and 2) trick the referees. Unfortunately for the Untouchabohs, they managed to trick the opponents like a manevolent weird uncle ‘removing’ the nose of a child – and the result was the same… the child cries. A deep ball to Chris ‘Tampa’ Nelson toward the right corner of the end zone fell incomplete and left the ‘Bohs with less than 20 seconds to run a play. ‘Iggy’ Hughes had Nelson throw the ball back to the field of play and quickly substituted Kendall ‘Mason’ Crawford in from the near line. With the ball snapped immediately prior to the end of the half, Crawford exploded (literally – I heard sounds) down the field and toward the end zone. Hughes heaved a ball from behind his own two-point conversion line and into the waiting arms of the receiver. The referee, obviously a little confused, said the play did not count for 2 reasons: a player cannot be out of bounds on the opposite sideline of a game and that the ‘Bohs sported an ‘illegal formation’ since a player was more than 15 yards from the center. Lame, but so is his ski cap. (Not because it is a Redskins ski cap, mind you, but because it was almost 70 degrees…)
Halftime brought a touch of focus as Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren reminded the playoff-bound team that they were only one score behind and would have the ball to begin the second half. Strong and confident, with hubris abound, the Untouchabohs were mentally preparing to squash the inferior opponent in a way that would make applesauce squeamish at the thought. It would bear out, as the second half unfolded, that Go Deep was lacking depth and running out of steam.
The rest of the game….
Untouchabohs’ football is defensive football, and the ‘Bohs shut down the opponent in the second half. Keeping Go Deep out of the end zone on their first possession of the half followed the mantra of ‘Defense Wins Championships.’ Driving down the field on the ensuing possession, the Untouchabohs put themselves up by another touchdown to extend their lead to 28-14. This is when the tide really turned for Go Deep.
The ‘Bohs, not letting off the accelerator yet, continued playing 8-on-8 with the 14 point lead and drove down the field. Unfortunately for Go Deep, one of their players received quite a bit of contact on a conversion and his fuse had been burning since the first half. He finally exploded and accidentally lit the fire of the quarterback of your 7-1 ‘Bohs. As a pass fell incomplete, with the ‘Bohs basically running out the clock and back into the groove of the OD,B offense, the opponent decided to KICK the ball 20 yards from the end zone.
Granted, you’re getting your ass handed to you on a rusty platter, but don’t lose your cool in a 2-hand touch, coed, 3rd of 4 tiers, beer league football game. By kicking the ball back to the Untouchabohs, a competitive fire ignited within Hughes setting off a nuclear reaction of fission-like fury. Keith ‘Don’t call me Klevin’ Levin saw the kicked ball, witnessed a rage-driven fury of passion, and knew that an all-out massacre was about to come to pass. The two plays that followed produced a crisp TD throw and a dagger of a conversion to extend the lead again to 36-14.
The play of the game graced the whipped Go Deep. A deep throw to one of the three tall blondes that the ‘Deep’ employ was too deep… or was it?!? A falling, over the shoulder, fingertip catch – now a top play on the BSSCPN list, gave the ‘Deep’ some new life and led them to their final score of the game. Putting up one final 8-spot, the score was as close as it would be at 36-22.
Highlights of the final seconds included Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne tossing a conversion to Neel ‘I was wide open all game – seriously, all game – but I understand that you were trying to run out the clock and not embarrass the other team’ Gulhar. Keith ‘I dropped 2 picks today’ Levin did have his hands all over the opponents’ Hot Dog (remember, in Darian ‘Suspended’ Asghari-speak, a Hot Dog is a football too big for you to use) and did record an INT to stall a Go Deep drive. It should also be noted that Keith caught a would-be interception that was nullified by a ‘Secret Agent’ sack. Please also not that Mr. Layne had a conversion, an interception, several tackles, and a sack in this game and is nominated for BSSC Player of the Week.
As the clock hit zero, magnificence appeared in the hands of ‘Don’t call me Klevin’ as he uncorked (literally) two bottles of champagne to celebrate the initial playoff run of the Untouchabohs’ franchise. Words of appreciation and congratulation by Aaron ‘I love the ‘Droid’ Warren were uttered before a team picture was taken by a member of the classy ‘Go Deep.’ It was a satisfying victory after a string of tense contests with playoff-caliber teams for your Untouchabohs who have proven yet again that when everyone shows up, they are, indeed, Untouchaboh!
Potpourri: Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren finally picked up his Droid and was seen dancing in the streets in a way that would cause one to rewrite the lyrics of ‘Frosty the Snowman;’ With 7 more TDs on Saturday, Hughes has a TD/INT ratio of 41-1 (several plays over the season by ‘Bohs’ receivers has saved 3 INTs); A player from the Baltimore Bangers (Team#112, White, 6-2) was ejected (This is a playoff team that is apt to lose their cool when behind – that may be used to our advantage if we play them); Team #112 lost to Team #121 (Cop-A-Feel, Maroon, 8-0) in that game; Untouchabohs this season turned the ball over 16% of the time vs. 43% by opponents; The ‘Bohs converted 2 pt PATs at a rate of 45% vs. 43% for opponents (the numbers drop to 37% and 40% respectively when taking into account our two blowouts); The team we blew-out 38-0 was audibly angry at us at JD’s after the game and told Adrian to ‘Eff-off’; If we play them, they angered the wrong person…
(Disassociated Press) 7 November 2009 – Indian summer, officially the first warming period after the season’s initial frosting, brought glorious conditions to the vainglorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 7-1) as they massacred the undermanned (literally) Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-7) on Patterson High Field #7 Saturday.
Initial note: Never again will we conduct ourselves in the way that we conducted ourselves against an overmatched and undermanned opponent. I hope that most of us can look back at the game with a candid eye and note that we should have called off the dogs a little sooner than we did – since we didn’t call off the dogs all game. It should not be lost that we had just had 4 consecutive games against teams with a combined 18-0 record, and that explains why we were all as giddy as schoolgirls at the sight of a meek and toothless team who subsequently watched us celebrate, and graciously took our photo after the game. If we ever play a wounded team again, after the game has been put away, we will still play hard but we will NEVER rub it in like we did on Saturday. At the time, our Hail Mary at the end of the first half is satisfactory, but driving at the end of the game, up by 28, was unacceptable. I take full blame for this localized low-class maneuver and I will never let it happen again.
That said… I continue…
The Untouchabohs were facing a team that actually resembled the Untouchabohs of 3 of the last 4 seasons – talented but with only 7 players (4 of which were women) – literally undermanned. Go Deep fought hard and with a great deal of tenacity all game but still found themselves down at the half 22-14. It would have been more, but the referee, the Redskins ski cap-wearing fool (who’s not all that bad, actually) disallowed a full-field Hail Mary that was completed from Aqua Iggy Hughes to Kendall ‘That’s MY ball’ Crawford as time expired. That actually put the Untouchabohs in a position where they were only up one score (and conversion) with Go Deep getting the ball to start the second half.
Proof is in the pudding, and the ‘Bohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, did show that they were unwilling to play down to an inferior opponent. As a Terrapin fan, this is something I’m familiar with as those teams always seem to play up, or down, to the opponent at hand (grrrrrr). Driving down the field on the initial possession, the ‘Bohs completed a deep pass to Will ‘Shutdown’ Gray on the same route run the previous week. Hughes found the cannon-of-old and threw a laser beam over-and-through Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne to fail to convert (again) on the PAT.
Hughes doesn’t have any idea how the turnover happened on the ‘Deep’s initial possession since he was talking to the 0-8 Purple team that remained after the game to watch the drubbing. The ‘Bohs did take over, though, on such a short field that Hughes, barely aware he was playing offense again, overthrew the ENTIRE FIELD by 15 yards. The ‘Bohs were still able to score and put themselves up 14-0 with the successful conversion.
The proof is still in the pudding, as the following 3 possessions of the game will show. The Untouchabohs have made a living by controlling the clock and limiting the opponent’s opportunities to score. By deviating from this, the ‘Bohs actually risked this game being closer than it should have been…
The Go Deep really were getting pounded all game but did exhibit gender-play dominance. Driving down the field and scoring. The subsequent conversion put the devious ‘Deepers’ down by 6 with plenty of time remaining in the first half. Lesson! The greedy and somewhat malevolent ‘Bohs decided to air it out again and scored on 5 plays to extend their lead, with the successful PAT to Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert, to 22-8. By not milking any clock, your magnificent ‘Bohs gave the gritty opponent a chance to drive down the field again. A clear violation of the Offense is Defense, Biotch (OD,B) offense the ‘Bohs have run all season. This will not extend into this important weekend’s playoffs!
Moving from left-to-right on your screen, the Go Deep continued gender play dominance and scored another TD in the first half. Scoring was Lauren ‘The Blonde Captain of the Opponents’ Hoffman who made a fantastic, leaping, catch in the end zone. The failed PAT still shrunk the lead, like cold temperatures shrink a naked male, to 22-14 and gave the ‘Bohs the ball back with less than one minute remaining.
Trickeration typically manages to 1) trick the opponent (a good thing) and 2) trick the referees. Unfortunately for the Untouchabohs, they managed to trick the opponents like a manevolent weird uncle ‘removing’ the nose of a child – and the result was the same… the child cries. A deep ball to Chris ‘Tampa’ Nelson toward the right corner of the end zone fell incomplete and left the ‘Bohs with less than 20 seconds to run a play. ‘Iggy’ Hughes had Nelson throw the ball back to the field of play and quickly substituted Kendall ‘Mason’ Crawford in from the near line. With the ball snapped immediately prior to the end of the half, Crawford exploded (literally – I heard sounds) down the field and toward the end zone. Hughes heaved a ball from behind his own two-point conversion line and into the waiting arms of the receiver. The referee, obviously a little confused, said the play did not count for 2 reasons: a player cannot be out of bounds on the opposite sideline of a game and that the ‘Bohs sported an ‘illegal formation’ since a player was more than 15 yards from the center. Lame, but so is his ski cap. (Not because it is a Redskins ski cap, mind you, but because it was almost 70 degrees…)
Halftime brought a touch of focus as Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren reminded the playoff-bound team that they were only one score behind and would have the ball to begin the second half. Strong and confident, with hubris abound, the Untouchabohs were mentally preparing to squash the inferior opponent in a way that would make applesauce squeamish at the thought. It would bear out, as the second half unfolded, that Go Deep was lacking depth and running out of steam.
The rest of the game….
Untouchabohs’ football is defensive football, and the ‘Bohs shut down the opponent in the second half. Keeping Go Deep out of the end zone on their first possession of the half followed the mantra of ‘Defense Wins Championships.’ Driving down the field on the ensuing possession, the Untouchabohs put themselves up by another touchdown to extend their lead to 28-14. This is when the tide really turned for Go Deep.
The ‘Bohs, not letting off the accelerator yet, continued playing 8-on-8 with the 14 point lead and drove down the field. Unfortunately for Go Deep, one of their players received quite a bit of contact on a conversion and his fuse had been burning since the first half. He finally exploded and accidentally lit the fire of the quarterback of your 7-1 ‘Bohs. As a pass fell incomplete, with the ‘Bohs basically running out the clock and back into the groove of the OD,B offense, the opponent decided to KICK the ball 20 yards from the end zone.
Granted, you’re getting your ass handed to you on a rusty platter, but don’t lose your cool in a 2-hand touch, coed, 3rd of 4 tiers, beer league football game. By kicking the ball back to the Untouchabohs, a competitive fire ignited within Hughes setting off a nuclear reaction of fission-like fury. Keith ‘Don’t call me Klevin’ Levin saw the kicked ball, witnessed a rage-driven fury of passion, and knew that an all-out massacre was about to come to pass. The two plays that followed produced a crisp TD throw and a dagger of a conversion to extend the lead again to 36-14.
The play of the game graced the whipped Go Deep. A deep throw to one of the three tall blondes that the ‘Deep’ employ was too deep… or was it?!? A falling, over the shoulder, fingertip catch – now a top play on the BSSCPN list, gave the ‘Deep’ some new life and led them to their final score of the game. Putting up one final 8-spot, the score was as close as it would be at 36-22.
Highlights of the final seconds included Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne tossing a conversion to Neel ‘I was wide open all game – seriously, all game – but I understand that you were trying to run out the clock and not embarrass the other team’ Gulhar. Keith ‘I dropped 2 picks today’ Levin did have his hands all over the opponents’ Hot Dog (remember, in Darian ‘Suspended’ Asghari-speak, a Hot Dog is a football too big for you to use) and did record an INT to stall a Go Deep drive. It should also be noted that Keith caught a would-be interception that was nullified by a ‘Secret Agent’ sack. Please also not that Mr. Layne had a conversion, an interception, several tackles, and a sack in this game and is nominated for BSSC Player of the Week.
As the clock hit zero, magnificence appeared in the hands of ‘Don’t call me Klevin’ as he uncorked (literally) two bottles of champagne to celebrate the initial playoff run of the Untouchabohs’ franchise. Words of appreciation and congratulation by Aaron ‘I love the ‘Droid’ Warren were uttered before a team picture was taken by a member of the classy ‘Go Deep.’ It was a satisfying victory after a string of tense contests with playoff-caliber teams for your Untouchabohs who have proven yet again that when everyone shows up, they are, indeed, Untouchaboh!
Potpourri: Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren finally picked up his Droid and was seen dancing in the streets in a way that would cause one to rewrite the lyrics of ‘Frosty the Snowman;’ With 7 more TDs on Saturday, Hughes has a TD/INT ratio of 41-1 (several plays over the season by ‘Bohs’ receivers has saved 3 INTs); A player from the Baltimore Bangers (Team#112, White, 6-2) was ejected (This is a playoff team that is apt to lose their cool when behind – that may be used to our advantage if we play them); Team #112 lost to Team #121 (Cop-A-Feel, Maroon, 8-0) in that game; Untouchabohs this season turned the ball over 16% of the time vs. 43% by opponents; The ‘Bohs converted 2 pt PATs at a rate of 45% vs. 43% for opponents (the numbers drop to 37% and 40% respectively when taking into account our two blowouts); The team we blew-out 38-0 was audibly angry at us at JD’s after the game and told Adrian to ‘Eff-off’; If we play them, they angered the wrong person…
Friday, November 6, 2009
Untouchabohs (Trap Game) Face (Trap Game) Go Deep (Trap Game) in Season (Trap Game) Finale
Trap Game Trap Game Trap Game Trap Game
(Agua Iggy News) 6 November 2009 – Your glorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 6-1) finish the regular season tomorrow on Patterson Park Field #7 at High Noon against the underrated Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-6). Grit and guile will need to guide the vainglorious Untouchabohs in their quest for Universal dominance of Baltimore Sports and Social Club – Extreme Social – Less Filling Two-hand Touch Football (BSSCXSLF).
Attendance is key as the ‘Bohs have a 14-17 record over the last 4 seasons, but that doesn’t show the whole picture. During that stretch, the Untouchabohs have lost 6 games to forfeits and another 5 games have been lost when the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, have lacked either a male or female substitution. Within that last stat are 3 games where the ‘Bohs not only lacked a substitution, but actually fielded a team with only 7 players.
Defense wins championships and the man-to-man style of defense that the Untouchabohs play is something magnificent to watch. With the green team watching last week’s victory over previously undefeated Team #138 (Johnson In the Slot, Royal Blue, 6-1) skepticism reigned on the man-to-man style with a free safety that the ‘Bohs play. Play after play, though, free safety (FS) Darian ‘Persian Subversion’ Asghari repeatedly manipulated the quarterback play in a way that a disturbed puppeteer manipulates marionettes. Gauging the play from the snap, The ‘Subversion’ allowed the receivers’ initial routes to wash by and render themselves impotent before putting pressure on the quarterback. Special attention should be paid to all of the ‘Bohs’ individual defenders as they allowed the opponent about as much breathing room as an infant child trapped in a well.
The Untouchabohs, if they win this week, will continue a trend of improvement that spans several years. Beginning in Spring 2008 (Team ??, Light Blue, 1-7), the ‘Bohs floundered under a rookie QB who didn’t study all of the nuances of the BSSC team rules and had yet to master the offense. Good times were had, though, after games, as Chris ‘Full’ Nelson and Adrian ‘Aqua Iggy’ Hughes, V competed in a now-legendary contest of consuming six saltines in 60 seconds or less. Between the strategic errors and attendance issues, the ‘Bohs remained close in all but one game but could not get over the hump of victory. Victory humping is a very good thing…
The Fall 2008 Untouchabohs (Team 126, Maroon, 3-5), placed in the newly created ‘Less Filling’ division of Extreme Social Football, played a significantly tougher schedule but were still talented enough to start the season 2-2. Losing several additional games to a forfeit and/or lack of team attendance was dastardly and doomed the glorious ‘Bohs, building their reputation as an attractive team throughout the league, to a 1-3 finish.
During spring, a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love… and the corresponding women run screaming in the opposite direction. Thoughts also turn to BSSC two-hand touch, coed, football. The black-donning Untouchabohs (Team #96, Black, 4-4) lost a heartbreaker of an opener that involved three key untimely bounces. Those of you not present will lack memory of two balls that bounced out of receiver’s hands (and into defenders’ hands) in the end zone in a game the Untouchabohs lost by 4 points. They were light blue and featured a stubby little ahole of a ‘man’ who was in the right place at the right time. The Untouchabohs followed that crushing loss by displaying an emerging moxie that buttressed four consecutive wins. Buttressed by additions of Kyle ‘Bebe’ Montague, Brittany ‘Ham’ Hamilton, and Will ‘The Engineer’ Gray (subsequently renamed ‘Shutdown’). Unfortunately for the ‘Bohs, now as attractive as ever, attendance remained an issue while finishing with a disappointing 4-4.
This week’s game (Trap Game) is most assuredly a trap game. Attendance appears to be an issue as Captain-my-Captain Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert’s evite is a little barren in the attendance column. The Untouchabohs mustn’t lose the (Trap Game) focus of the ant-burning child and succumb to a potentially inferior adversary. If so, weeks of hard work, drinking, and fun would potentially yield the Untouchabohs out of the playoffs, an unfortunate (Trap Game) destiny – and a potentially bitter pill to swallow.
Bleed’ on three….(J/K). Go ‘Bohs!!!
Potpourri: ‘Shutdown’ Gray shared many beautiful and heartwarming pictures of his recent nuptials (congrats Will and Katrina); JD’s is a wonderful place to enjoy post-game libations (officially a Greek ritual of pouring a drink as an offering to a God); ‘Aqua Iggy’ Hughes, V is completely out-of-control with his spreadsheet of opponents (and he likes it); Trap Game Trap Game Trap Game; It is believed that cleats provide a higher degree of traction in damp, moist, or wet conditions.
(Agua Iggy News) 6 November 2009 – Your glorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 6-1) finish the regular season tomorrow on Patterson Park Field #7 at High Noon against the underrated Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-6). Grit and guile will need to guide the vainglorious Untouchabohs in their quest for Universal dominance of Baltimore Sports and Social Club – Extreme Social – Less Filling Two-hand Touch Football (BSSCXSLF).
Attendance is key as the ‘Bohs have a 14-17 record over the last 4 seasons, but that doesn’t show the whole picture. During that stretch, the Untouchabohs have lost 6 games to forfeits and another 5 games have been lost when the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, have lacked either a male or female substitution. Within that last stat are 3 games where the ‘Bohs not only lacked a substitution, but actually fielded a team with only 7 players.
Defense wins championships and the man-to-man style of defense that the Untouchabohs play is something magnificent to watch. With the green team watching last week’s victory over previously undefeated Team #138 (Johnson In the Slot, Royal Blue, 6-1) skepticism reigned on the man-to-man style with a free safety that the ‘Bohs play. Play after play, though, free safety (FS) Darian ‘Persian Subversion’ Asghari repeatedly manipulated the quarterback play in a way that a disturbed puppeteer manipulates marionettes. Gauging the play from the snap, The ‘Subversion’ allowed the receivers’ initial routes to wash by and render themselves impotent before putting pressure on the quarterback. Special attention should be paid to all of the ‘Bohs’ individual defenders as they allowed the opponent about as much breathing room as an infant child trapped in a well.
The Untouchabohs, if they win this week, will continue a trend of improvement that spans several years. Beginning in Spring 2008 (Team ??, Light Blue, 1-7), the ‘Bohs floundered under a rookie QB who didn’t study all of the nuances of the BSSC team rules and had yet to master the offense. Good times were had, though, after games, as Chris ‘Full’ Nelson and Adrian ‘Aqua Iggy’ Hughes, V competed in a now-legendary contest of consuming six saltines in 60 seconds or less. Between the strategic errors and attendance issues, the ‘Bohs remained close in all but one game but could not get over the hump of victory. Victory humping is a very good thing…
The Fall 2008 Untouchabohs (Team 126, Maroon, 3-5), placed in the newly created ‘Less Filling’ division of Extreme Social Football, played a significantly tougher schedule but were still talented enough to start the season 2-2. Losing several additional games to a forfeit and/or lack of team attendance was dastardly and doomed the glorious ‘Bohs, building their reputation as an attractive team throughout the league, to a 1-3 finish.
During spring, a young man’s fancy turns to thoughts of love… and the corresponding women run screaming in the opposite direction. Thoughts also turn to BSSC two-hand touch, coed, football. The black-donning Untouchabohs (Team #96, Black, 4-4) lost a heartbreaker of an opener that involved three key untimely bounces. Those of you not present will lack memory of two balls that bounced out of receiver’s hands (and into defenders’ hands) in the end zone in a game the Untouchabohs lost by 4 points. They were light blue and featured a stubby little ahole of a ‘man’ who was in the right place at the right time. The Untouchabohs followed that crushing loss by displaying an emerging moxie that buttressed four consecutive wins. Buttressed by additions of Kyle ‘Bebe’ Montague, Brittany ‘Ham’ Hamilton, and Will ‘The Engineer’ Gray (subsequently renamed ‘Shutdown’). Unfortunately for the ‘Bohs, now as attractive as ever, attendance remained an issue while finishing with a disappointing 4-4.
This week’s game (Trap Game) is most assuredly a trap game. Attendance appears to be an issue as Captain-my-Captain Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert’s evite is a little barren in the attendance column. The Untouchabohs mustn’t lose the (Trap Game) focus of the ant-burning child and succumb to a potentially inferior adversary. If so, weeks of hard work, drinking, and fun would potentially yield the Untouchabohs out of the playoffs, an unfortunate (Trap Game) destiny – and a potentially bitter pill to swallow.
Bleed’ on three….(J/K). Go ‘Bohs!!!
Potpourri: ‘Shutdown’ Gray shared many beautiful and heartwarming pictures of his recent nuptials (congrats Will and Katrina); JD’s is a wonderful place to enjoy post-game libations (officially a Greek ritual of pouring a drink as an offering to a God); ‘Aqua Iggy’ Hughes, V is completely out-of-control with his spreadsheet of opponents (and he likes it); Trap Game Trap Game Trap Game; It is believed that cleats provide a higher degree of traction in damp, moist, or wet conditions.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Untouchabohs Pop Another Bubble of Perfection
Halloween Hallo-Win Against 4th Consecutive Undefeated Team
(Disassociated Press) 31 October 2009 - On a day where the weather and field conditions would be classified as sassy at best the glorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 6-1) slid by Johnson in the Slot (Team #138, Royal Blue, 6-1) on saturated Halloween Saturday at Patterson High Field #5.
Glee at the sight of one of the better BSSC referees quickly turned to dread as the referee-in-question (Jessica Marshall) removed her sweatshirt and donned the colors of the malevolent opponent. The Untouchabohs, sensitive to certain slack-jawed referees, have already lost one game this year where the referee's lack of attentiveness to down-and-distance may have initiated a downward spiral of play that culminated in a loss to the Mustangs (Team #142, Grey, 6-0-1).
On a day when the Captain, Tim 'Mad Dog' Lambert was confiscating funds from Bank of America petulant patrons, Adrian 'Aqua Iggy' Hughes, V was forced to handle the coin toss... you all know how Mad Dog is able to trick the other team into giving the 'Bohs what they want, and Hughes mustered the mythical Lambert mojo to gain control of the first possession of the game. The magic finally stuck when the opponent, JITS (henceforth), took the wind in the first half - which would come into play at the end of the game...
The Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive and fun-loving team, drove down the field with a mixture of gender-nonspecific passes that penetrated the JITS defense like an icepick through a bratty child's balloon. Humor was found early in this game by both teams as the line judge did not know how to count to five - causing players on both sides of the ball to count to themselves in a way that resembled an insane inmate counting to him/herself in the middle of a field. Returning was the injured Lauren 'Klavery' Havery, showing grit and guile, playing with an injured ankle. With a touchdown pass to her loving fiancé' Keith 'Don't call me klevin' Levin. With the conversion good (it was great actually) the glorious Untouchabohs took an 8-0 lead.
This lead would be short-lived, though as the typically stout 'Bohs' defense yielded a score. Overlooked throughout this offensive league is the fact that the Untouchabohs play a unique style of defense which gives opponents fits. Though the score was now 8-6 in favor of your benevolent 'Bohs the OD,B offense (Offense is Defense, B) took the field with a focus so intense that the Hubble was jealous from its orbit around the earth.
Defense wins championships, and the slippery slope that the defense encountered had more to do with the steady rain that fell throughout most of the game turning the field into a quagmire of sorts for those not donning long, vertical, protrusions from the bottom of their shoes. Tempers flared as the team enforcer, Darian 'Terrell Owens' Asghari, pulled men and ladies from the field of play like a man trying to start a lawnmower. His competitive fire burned so strong that it ignited a deep repressed fury from the normally gracious teammates - almost a form of submissive resentment toward the one referred to a 'T.O.' It turned out for the better as Stephanie 'Biscotti' Binetti fell, humorously I may add, on a field that had the consistency of a lubricant jelly. For everyone who did show up the team welcomed them with open arms and the message to consider buying cleats for the stretch-run.
The second Untouchabohs' drive also peppered the butter-soft zone with crisp passes, tight spirals, and a workmanlike pace. Key receptions by Jonny 'Secret Agent' Layne, Klevin (sorry pal), and Tanisha 'I wore cleats' Gulhar kept the drive alive. Though the line judge, wearing a soaked dark green shirt, appeared to be mute continuously through the first half the Untouchabohs didn't need to rush once on their way toward their ultimate destiny - the end zone. Scrambling to his right, the QB Hughes tossed the ball between two 'Bohs, and Mr. Levin stole the ball from Mr. Owens. The failed conversion left the Untouchabohs up 14-6.
Defense wins championships and your vainglorious 'Bohs forced the first turnover of the game on the JITS' ensuing possession. Faced with a 4th-and-1 from the 13 yard line (okay, somewhere near there...) the JITS failed to run a short route and doomed their quarterback to make a high-risk throw, one that fell to the ground haplessly due to the sloppy conditions and wet balls. Wet balls are hard to catch, write that down...
With a sense of urgency the Untouchabohs drove down the field. On first and two from just beyond midfield Hughes rolled right to find Will 'Shutdown' Gray running a beautiful 10 yard out - but wait, there's more! Hughes unleashed a pump-fake so potent that angels cried from the heavens, and Shutdown cut down the sideline. Outrunning the cover-2 safety coverage the ball was lofted perfectly and settled into the receiver's hands to take a 20-6 lead. Unfortunately for the 'Bohs they didn't milk enough of the clock and left the evil opponents with over a minute of time in the first half.
The slippery conditions, harming the JITS all game and cursing them with a consistent affliction of the 'dropsies,' actually aided the receivers as the Untouchabohs slid all over the field. The score with 8 seconds remaining and two-point conversion put the JITS back in the game and down by six at 20-14. Your 'Bohs, with the guidance of Secret Agent Layne tossed a 20-yard completion over the middle to gain valuable yards to attempt their hail-Mary. The timeout allowed the scheming QB to draw up the play with everyone running to the right side of the end-zone with Keith 'Touchdown' Levin cutting to the left corner pylon at the last second. A high spiral was lofted but fell harmlessly to the ground as the communication was broken between the QB and his receivers.
The second half was getting so sloppy that pigs were heard cheering from the neighbor's yards - quite a feat in row home-laden Baltimore. The JITS took the opening drive down and, displaying courage and grit, found a way to score. The stout 'Bohs defense held on the two-point conversion attempt and this beautiful game featuring two teams with one combined loss was reset 20-20. Your 'Bohs now had the ball with 13:45 left in the second half and had to score with purpose.
The color purple is a magnificent color in Baltimore, and nobody respects it more than the Untouchabohs. Since Mad Dog Lambert received written permission from the Baltimore Ravens to wear such a tremendous color the Untouchabohs have played with an intensity that belies their placement in a 3-of-4-tiers-coed-2-hand-touch-coed-football. Driving down the field, the Untouchabohs got to within one foot of the mid-line with their two completions - in another humorous in-game occurrence, Jonny 'I'm Open' Layne caught the ball and ran out of bounds just short of the mid-line as the quarterback was yelling for him to do just that. Who yells at you to NOT advance the ball?
The drive continued as the Untouchabohs ran the ball 3 straight times for less than one yard but burned over a minute of the game clock in this Field #5 affair. Tossing the ball across the line the 'Bohs reset their downs and continued their drive. Scoring on a passing play to Lauren 'I wore cleats! Look!' Asghari with 8:15 left in the game and converting the point-after-try put the protagonists up 28-20.
In Baltimore, we love defense, and defense wins championships. The Untouchabohs defense was able to curtail the JITS ensuing drive by denying a 4th-and-goal play though it was aided by a quarterback attempting to violate a cardinal BSSC rule and tried to 'throw a hot-dog in the rain.' They were still able to score - but the defense didn't yield the conversion and the lead stood at two with just under three minutes remaining. The low-point of Untouchaboh execution was about to strike, though, and the game wouldn't be over yet.
The 'Bohs offense, great at following Lambert's 'milking' sign all season long lost their focus for the first time in weeks and found themselves with a 4th-and-1 just beyond the mid-line. Hughes chose poorly and found his pass toward Keith 'Touchdown' Levin deflected by a lame zone defender to give JITS one last chance. With just over one minute left, the JITS drove down the field against several blown coverages and were able to get out of bounds. They did need to burn their timeouts on defense but they had plenty of time to take the lead.
Destiny struck again for the enraged and internally collapsing Untouchabohs as they forced Johnson in the Slot into a forced-gender 4th-and-1. With his female receivers running deep down the field Lauren 'Fe-QBDBMVP' Asghari picked-off the errant pass for the Untouchabohs' third forced turnover of the game. As the Untouchabohs ran out the clock both teams congratulated each other on a game well played and looked forward to nourishment at JD's...delicious.
The playoffs are now a real possibility though the Untouchabohs will face a trap game next week against Lauren Hoffman's naughtily-named Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-6) at Patterson Park #7 at High Noon. It will be a game that would bring Clint Eastwood a sense of pride as two teams will battle it out while screaming clichés' and hyperbole left and right. This will also be a game where Chris 'Full' Nelson will make a trip from his new life in Tampa, FL to visit his newlywed bride here in Baltimore. Hopefully the Untouchabohs will regain their focus and put down a team who has had trouble finding wins this season.
All told, the 'Bohs have had a tough stretch of schedule. They have had consecutive games against a 3-0, 4-0, 5-0, and 6-0 teams and have only lost to the well-coached and play-calling Mustangs. All told, the Untouchabohs' opponents this season have a combined record of 35-20-1, and if you remove Team #119's record (who the 'Bohs haven't played) and the combined record of opponents through 7 games is 34-14-1 which is a .704 winning percentage. Also factor in that if the opponents had not faced the Untouchabohs, their combined winning percentage against all other teams is 34-8-1 (.810 winning percentage). Amazing.
The intensity of the Untouchabohs, harnessed by Buddhist monks as a solar panel harnesses the sun for divine energy, will need to continue peaking at the right time if this season is going to extend beyond the 7th of November. Hopefully they will continue to execute and prove once again, that they are Untouchaboh!
Potpourri: Chris Nelson now lives in Tampa, FL and we all hope that the game is going well; Darian didn't question any playcalling in the first half (amazing); The Untouchabohs have thrown 34 TDs this year to 1 INT; Humorous play #3 occurred in the second half as Neel 'G' Gulhar took a pass and failed to make a cut after catching the ball; The irritating light blue team played immediately after the Untouchabohs on Saturday, I think they lost their cool, and the game... Tim Lambert was proud of the team and said so for the first time in a BSSCPN news conference from his office in Hunt Valley, MD; Aaron 'The Franchise' Warren lost one year of his life when the 4th-and-1 attempt fell incomplete (murmuring something about punching someone in the face...); Joe Flacco is advertising pizza while I'm writing this.
(Disassociated Press) 31 October 2009 - On a day where the weather and field conditions would be classified as sassy at best the glorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 6-1) slid by Johnson in the Slot (Team #138, Royal Blue, 6-1) on saturated Halloween Saturday at Patterson High Field #5.
Glee at the sight of one of the better BSSC referees quickly turned to dread as the referee-in-question (Jessica Marshall) removed her sweatshirt and donned the colors of the malevolent opponent. The Untouchabohs, sensitive to certain slack-jawed referees, have already lost one game this year where the referee's lack of attentiveness to down-and-distance may have initiated a downward spiral of play that culminated in a loss to the Mustangs (Team #142, Grey, 6-0-1).
On a day when the Captain, Tim 'Mad Dog' Lambert was confiscating funds from Bank of America petulant patrons, Adrian 'Aqua Iggy' Hughes, V was forced to handle the coin toss... you all know how Mad Dog is able to trick the other team into giving the 'Bohs what they want, and Hughes mustered the mythical Lambert mojo to gain control of the first possession of the game. The magic finally stuck when the opponent, JITS (henceforth), took the wind in the first half - which would come into play at the end of the game...
The Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive and fun-loving team, drove down the field with a mixture of gender-nonspecific passes that penetrated the JITS defense like an icepick through a bratty child's balloon. Humor was found early in this game by both teams as the line judge did not know how to count to five - causing players on both sides of the ball to count to themselves in a way that resembled an insane inmate counting to him/herself in the middle of a field. Returning was the injured Lauren 'Klavery' Havery, showing grit and guile, playing with an injured ankle. With a touchdown pass to her loving fiancé' Keith 'Don't call me klevin' Levin. With the conversion good (it was great actually) the glorious Untouchabohs took an 8-0 lead.
This lead would be short-lived, though as the typically stout 'Bohs' defense yielded a score. Overlooked throughout this offensive league is the fact that the Untouchabohs play a unique style of defense which gives opponents fits. Though the score was now 8-6 in favor of your benevolent 'Bohs the OD,B offense (Offense is Defense, B) took the field with a focus so intense that the Hubble was jealous from its orbit around the earth.
Defense wins championships, and the slippery slope that the defense encountered had more to do with the steady rain that fell throughout most of the game turning the field into a quagmire of sorts for those not donning long, vertical, protrusions from the bottom of their shoes. Tempers flared as the team enforcer, Darian 'Terrell Owens' Asghari, pulled men and ladies from the field of play like a man trying to start a lawnmower. His competitive fire burned so strong that it ignited a deep repressed fury from the normally gracious teammates - almost a form of submissive resentment toward the one referred to a 'T.O.' It turned out for the better as Stephanie 'Biscotti' Binetti fell, humorously I may add, on a field that had the consistency of a lubricant jelly. For everyone who did show up the team welcomed them with open arms and the message to consider buying cleats for the stretch-run.
The second Untouchabohs' drive also peppered the butter-soft zone with crisp passes, tight spirals, and a workmanlike pace. Key receptions by Jonny 'Secret Agent' Layne, Klevin (sorry pal), and Tanisha 'I wore cleats' Gulhar kept the drive alive. Though the line judge, wearing a soaked dark green shirt, appeared to be mute continuously through the first half the Untouchabohs didn't need to rush once on their way toward their ultimate destiny - the end zone. Scrambling to his right, the QB Hughes tossed the ball between two 'Bohs, and Mr. Levin stole the ball from Mr. Owens. The failed conversion left the Untouchabohs up 14-6.
Defense wins championships and your vainglorious 'Bohs forced the first turnover of the game on the JITS' ensuing possession. Faced with a 4th-and-1 from the 13 yard line (okay, somewhere near there...) the JITS failed to run a short route and doomed their quarterback to make a high-risk throw, one that fell to the ground haplessly due to the sloppy conditions and wet balls. Wet balls are hard to catch, write that down...
With a sense of urgency the Untouchabohs drove down the field. On first and two from just beyond midfield Hughes rolled right to find Will 'Shutdown' Gray running a beautiful 10 yard out - but wait, there's more! Hughes unleashed a pump-fake so potent that angels cried from the heavens, and Shutdown cut down the sideline. Outrunning the cover-2 safety coverage the ball was lofted perfectly and settled into the receiver's hands to take a 20-6 lead. Unfortunately for the 'Bohs they didn't milk enough of the clock and left the evil opponents with over a minute of time in the first half.
The slippery conditions, harming the JITS all game and cursing them with a consistent affliction of the 'dropsies,' actually aided the receivers as the Untouchabohs slid all over the field. The score with 8 seconds remaining and two-point conversion put the JITS back in the game and down by six at 20-14. Your 'Bohs, with the guidance of Secret Agent Layne tossed a 20-yard completion over the middle to gain valuable yards to attempt their hail-Mary. The timeout allowed the scheming QB to draw up the play with everyone running to the right side of the end-zone with Keith 'Touchdown' Levin cutting to the left corner pylon at the last second. A high spiral was lofted but fell harmlessly to the ground as the communication was broken between the QB and his receivers.
The second half was getting so sloppy that pigs were heard cheering from the neighbor's yards - quite a feat in row home-laden Baltimore. The JITS took the opening drive down and, displaying courage and grit, found a way to score. The stout 'Bohs defense held on the two-point conversion attempt and this beautiful game featuring two teams with one combined loss was reset 20-20. Your 'Bohs now had the ball with 13:45 left in the second half and had to score with purpose.
The color purple is a magnificent color in Baltimore, and nobody respects it more than the Untouchabohs. Since Mad Dog Lambert received written permission from the Baltimore Ravens to wear such a tremendous color the Untouchabohs have played with an intensity that belies their placement in a 3-of-4-tiers-coed-2-hand-touch-coed-football. Driving down the field, the Untouchabohs got to within one foot of the mid-line with their two completions - in another humorous in-game occurrence, Jonny 'I'm Open' Layne caught the ball and ran out of bounds just short of the mid-line as the quarterback was yelling for him to do just that. Who yells at you to NOT advance the ball?
The drive continued as the Untouchabohs ran the ball 3 straight times for less than one yard but burned over a minute of the game clock in this Field #5 affair. Tossing the ball across the line the 'Bohs reset their downs and continued their drive. Scoring on a passing play to Lauren 'I wore cleats! Look!' Asghari with 8:15 left in the game and converting the point-after-try put the protagonists up 28-20.
In Baltimore, we love defense, and defense wins championships. The Untouchabohs defense was able to curtail the JITS ensuing drive by denying a 4th-and-goal play though it was aided by a quarterback attempting to violate a cardinal BSSC rule and tried to 'throw a hot-dog in the rain.' They were still able to score - but the defense didn't yield the conversion and the lead stood at two with just under three minutes remaining. The low-point of Untouchaboh execution was about to strike, though, and the game wouldn't be over yet.
The 'Bohs offense, great at following Lambert's 'milking' sign all season long lost their focus for the first time in weeks and found themselves with a 4th-and-1 just beyond the mid-line. Hughes chose poorly and found his pass toward Keith 'Touchdown' Levin deflected by a lame zone defender to give JITS one last chance. With just over one minute left, the JITS drove down the field against several blown coverages and were able to get out of bounds. They did need to burn their timeouts on defense but they had plenty of time to take the lead.
Destiny struck again for the enraged and internally collapsing Untouchabohs as they forced Johnson in the Slot into a forced-gender 4th-and-1. With his female receivers running deep down the field Lauren 'Fe-QBDBMVP' Asghari picked-off the errant pass for the Untouchabohs' third forced turnover of the game. As the Untouchabohs ran out the clock both teams congratulated each other on a game well played and looked forward to nourishment at JD's...delicious.
The playoffs are now a real possibility though the Untouchabohs will face a trap game next week against Lauren Hoffman's naughtily-named Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-6) at Patterson Park #7 at High Noon. It will be a game that would bring Clint Eastwood a sense of pride as two teams will battle it out while screaming clichés' and hyperbole left and right. This will also be a game where Chris 'Full' Nelson will make a trip from his new life in Tampa, FL to visit his newlywed bride here in Baltimore. Hopefully the Untouchabohs will regain their focus and put down a team who has had trouble finding wins this season.
All told, the 'Bohs have had a tough stretch of schedule. They have had consecutive games against a 3-0, 4-0, 5-0, and 6-0 teams and have only lost to the well-coached and play-calling Mustangs. All told, the Untouchabohs' opponents this season have a combined record of 35-20-1, and if you remove Team #119's record (who the 'Bohs haven't played) and the combined record of opponents through 7 games is 34-14-1 which is a .704 winning percentage. Also factor in that if the opponents had not faced the Untouchabohs, their combined winning percentage against all other teams is 34-8-1 (.810 winning percentage). Amazing.
The intensity of the Untouchabohs, harnessed by Buddhist monks as a solar panel harnesses the sun for divine energy, will need to continue peaking at the right time if this season is going to extend beyond the 7th of November. Hopefully they will continue to execute and prove once again, that they are Untouchaboh!
Potpourri: Chris Nelson now lives in Tampa, FL and we all hope that the game is going well; Darian didn't question any playcalling in the first half (amazing); The Untouchabohs have thrown 34 TDs this year to 1 INT; Humorous play #3 occurred in the second half as Neel 'G' Gulhar took a pass and failed to make a cut after catching the ball; The irritating light blue team played immediately after the Untouchabohs on Saturday, I think they lost their cool, and the game... Tim Lambert was proud of the team and said so for the first time in a BSSCPN news conference from his office in Hunt Valley, MD; Aaron 'The Franchise' Warren lost one year of his life when the 4th-and-1 attempt fell incomplete (murmuring something about punching someone in the face...); Joe Flacco is advertising pizza while I'm writing this.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Untouchabohs Batter the Undefeated in Sloppy Beer-League Brawl
Injuries Mar 36-26 Victory
(Aqua Iggy News) 24 October 2009 – The football gods cast a stern eye on Saturday as sunny skies turned into schizophrenically scattered showers while the Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 5-1) lubed their way past We Are Who You Thought We Were (Team #98, Black, 5-1) on LK Field #2.
Though the day started by sun-kissing the superfund site adjacent to the playing fields, the weather turned mid-game into an all-out slopfest with heavy showers saturating the benevolent souls of your wonderful Untouchabohs. Never to have their flame extinguished, your intrepid heroes focused on the game like a lonely child focuses a magnifying glass on a hapless ant and ignited the fire that fuels dynastic victory.
Captain ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert again tricked the opponent into winning the challenging game of ‘odds or evens’ by calling odds even though the referee, a kind yet vociferous gent, had two fingers exposed behind his back. This allowed the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, to begin the game on their most volatile side of the ball – Defense!
Defense wins championships, and the ‘Bohs slowed the wind-backed opponent’s initial drive of the game despite ‘Bohs’ defenders having their hands on several passes. This will manifest itself later as a key of BSSC football. The defense did allow a touchdown and associated two-point conversion to put the game 0-8 in favor of Team #98. Fear not lovers-of-the-‘Bohs, the offense was about to take control.
The Untouchabohs’ initial drive of the game had your central characters methodically marching down the field like the British through the streets of an unoccupied town. Unfortunately for WAWYTWW (pronounced wah-wee tu`h-woowoo) they were not the American Revolutionary troops and your ‘Bohs scored their first touchdown of the game with very little resistance. The defense that Wah-we tu’h-woowoo was running was something like a zone – if you combined Swiss cheese, a spaghetti-strainer, and melted butter while trying to call it resistive. A touch of trickeration (I hate it when ESPN uses this word) was present, with the Untouchabohs starting in their version of the Wildcat formation and Keith ‘I’m Engaged’ Levin taking a few snaps. The offense faced little resistance as Hughes, the ‘Bohs’ pocket-passer, Laughing all of the way down the field, took time out to text during the drive.
Remember, defense wins championships, and in a league where you score every time or you lose, defense is the opposite of scoring. There are several keys 1) Never have an ego so large that you throw a football larger that you should (this is known as a ‘Hot Dog’ in Darian-speak), 2) Always find the safety versus a man/woman-to-man/woman defense, 3) Protect the ball in inclement weather, 4) Avoid forced genders if possible, 5) Avoid the gender-only scores, and 6) Control the clock. Team #98 violated several of these rules in the way that sleeping with your cousin violates so many things in so many ways…
The WAWYTWW’s second drive moved the ball initially but they violated the Darian Asghari rule of ‘Don’t throw a hot-dog in the rain’ (Throwing a large football in inclement conditions). The purveyor of the ‘Asghari Hot-Dog Rule’ himself picked off the wobbling duck of a pass from the lame-duck quarterback and the momentum had changed.
Halftime brought another huddle of intensity, akin to the cone of silence that Maxwell Smart used during so many hilarity-ridden episodes of ‘Get Smart.’ Plans for two-point conversions were plotted, gender play strategy was galvanized, and team unity peaked. Deciding against the Week 3 chant of ‘Bleed,’ the Untouchabohs huddle broke with an exclamation so inspiring that it brought tears to praying Himalayan Monks.
The first drive of the second half milked almost four minutes of time, mixed a blend of short and intermediate passes and proved to be the first time all game that the ‘Bohs hit their rhythm. Completions to Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levin, Danielle ‘Fighting Irish’ Madison, and decoys to Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren perpetuated a drive so sexy that nearby birds were aroused. Unfortunately for the Untouchabohs, the weather god Al ‘Weather Devil’ Roker removed the blessed sun from the sky and doused your glorious ‘Bohs with a short-lived yet torrential downpour! Fortunately for the ‘Bohs, they do not violate cardinal rules of this football-like game and QB Hughes proved to play well with wet balls. The focus of the Untouchabohs receivers increased as the rain became as intense as a motherly guilt trip around her birthday (just kidding mom!).
Following the score to put the ‘Bohs up 20-8 the soggy conditions caught-up to players on both sides of the field. During Team #98’s ensuing drive, calamity struck in the form of a sprained ankle for Lauren ‘I’m Engaged!’ Havery, who also recently participated in the Baltimore Marathon. Due to the lightly-staffed Fe-Untouchabohs this meant that they would play the rest of the game 7-on-8. Filled with concern for their injured friend the intensity level increased for the remainder of the game – and with 13 minutes remaining there was still plenty of time. Execution of the ‘Offense is Defense, Bitch!’ Offense (Henceforth known as the OD,B offense) became critical.
Several completions to Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne, Will ‘The Engineer’ Gray, and Lauren ‘I don’t wear cleats, even when I can run the risk of tearing my hamstring so terribly that it requires surgery to reattach it to by hip-bone, like Ray Lewis had in 2005, as Al Roker called for rain and the field is turning to mush and someone on my team got hurt too’ Asghari. The BSSCPN read of the game occurred on this drive as the quarterback, sensing their focus increasing as the game was slipping from their grasp, eyed-up Mr. Layne for the completion. As the defense converged on Mr. Layne like vultures converging on a dead, bloated, rhinoceros, the QB pumped and tossed the ball to an uncovered receiver almost 20 yards downfield. Confidence brimming, arrogance diffused, and the opponent deflated, the Untouchabohs scored a touchdown and two-point conversion to extend the lead to 28-14.
The game ended with a final score of 36-26 as the teams traded touchdowns on the remaining possessions. Of note, a failed ‘Irish’ play that will be used on gender conversions the rest of the season… perhaps the team shall utilize Fe-QBDBMVP Lauren Asghari as the receiver to gain an extra point on the conversion. All told, the Untouchabohs were still able to outscore the overnamed opponent (Really? We Are Who You Thought We Were? Lame.) 16-14 despite being down a key female. Kudos to the focused Untouchabohs and their OD,B offense.
Next up is one more undefeated team as the Untouchabohs face Jessica Marshall’s Johnson In the Slot (Team #138, Royal Blue, 6-0) on Patterson High School Field #5 at 11:00 am. Participation will be crucial as 4 of the ‘Bohs’ last 5 losses, over two seasons were driven by a forfeit or a lack of adequate substitutions. It should also be noted that one of those losses occurred at Patterson High School Field #4 when an unholy demon of a referee sabotaged the vainglorious Untouchabohs. Hopefully, if the Untouchabohs can execute, they can rename this opponent and Jessica Marshall will find that the Johnson is actually in the...
Potpourri: The Untouchabohs will face their fourth undefeated team this season, not including the week 1 contest before teams had played; ‘Bohs QBs have thrown 30 TDs and 1 interception; The turnover differential today was 2-0 in favor of the ‘Bohs (not including the end of game drive); Gender play touchdowns included a 1-0 for the ‘Bohs; Johnson In The Slot has already played 4 games at PHS #5 and may have a home-field advantage of sorts; Though nobody can really keep track, it appears the ‘Bohs won the time-of-possession by some undisclosed margin; Humor visited concurrently with the rain when the ex-football playing referee decided to 'swim move' the Untouchabohs' offensive line and sack the 'Bohs' QB...
Injuries: Lauren Havery (ankle) – Doubtful, Chris Nelson (moving) – Out, Darian Asghari (ankle, quad) – Questionable, Keith Levin (ankle) – Probable, Tim Lambert (lucidity) – Probable, Adrian Hughes, V (speed) – Probable (yup, his speed is broken).
(Aqua Iggy News) 24 October 2009 – The football gods cast a stern eye on Saturday as sunny skies turned into schizophrenically scattered showers while the Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 5-1) lubed their way past We Are Who You Thought We Were (Team #98, Black, 5-1) on LK Field #2.
Though the day started by sun-kissing the superfund site adjacent to the playing fields, the weather turned mid-game into an all-out slopfest with heavy showers saturating the benevolent souls of your wonderful Untouchabohs. Never to have their flame extinguished, your intrepid heroes focused on the game like a lonely child focuses a magnifying glass on a hapless ant and ignited the fire that fuels dynastic victory.
Captain ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert again tricked the opponent into winning the challenging game of ‘odds or evens’ by calling odds even though the referee, a kind yet vociferous gent, had two fingers exposed behind his back. This allowed the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, to begin the game on their most volatile side of the ball – Defense!
Defense wins championships, and the ‘Bohs slowed the wind-backed opponent’s initial drive of the game despite ‘Bohs’ defenders having their hands on several passes. This will manifest itself later as a key of BSSC football. The defense did allow a touchdown and associated two-point conversion to put the game 0-8 in favor of Team #98. Fear not lovers-of-the-‘Bohs, the offense was about to take control.
The Untouchabohs’ initial drive of the game had your central characters methodically marching down the field like the British through the streets of an unoccupied town. Unfortunately for WAWYTWW (pronounced wah-wee tu`h-woowoo) they were not the American Revolutionary troops and your ‘Bohs scored their first touchdown of the game with very little resistance. The defense that Wah-we tu’h-woowoo was running was something like a zone – if you combined Swiss cheese, a spaghetti-strainer, and melted butter while trying to call it resistive. A touch of trickeration (I hate it when ESPN uses this word) was present, with the Untouchabohs starting in their version of the Wildcat formation and Keith ‘I’m Engaged’ Levin taking a few snaps. The offense faced little resistance as Hughes, the ‘Bohs’ pocket-passer, Laughing all of the way down the field, took time out to text during the drive.
Remember, defense wins championships, and in a league where you score every time or you lose, defense is the opposite of scoring. There are several keys 1) Never have an ego so large that you throw a football larger that you should (this is known as a ‘Hot Dog’ in Darian-speak), 2) Always find the safety versus a man/woman-to-man/woman defense, 3) Protect the ball in inclement weather, 4) Avoid forced genders if possible, 5) Avoid the gender-only scores, and 6) Control the clock. Team #98 violated several of these rules in the way that sleeping with your cousin violates so many things in so many ways…
The WAWYTWW’s second drive moved the ball initially but they violated the Darian Asghari rule of ‘Don’t throw a hot-dog in the rain’ (Throwing a large football in inclement conditions). The purveyor of the ‘Asghari Hot-Dog Rule’ himself picked off the wobbling duck of a pass from the lame-duck quarterback and the momentum had changed.
Halftime brought another huddle of intensity, akin to the cone of silence that Maxwell Smart used during so many hilarity-ridden episodes of ‘Get Smart.’ Plans for two-point conversions were plotted, gender play strategy was galvanized, and team unity peaked. Deciding against the Week 3 chant of ‘Bleed,’ the Untouchabohs huddle broke with an exclamation so inspiring that it brought tears to praying Himalayan Monks.
The first drive of the second half milked almost four minutes of time, mixed a blend of short and intermediate passes and proved to be the first time all game that the ‘Bohs hit their rhythm. Completions to Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levin, Danielle ‘Fighting Irish’ Madison, and decoys to Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren perpetuated a drive so sexy that nearby birds were aroused. Unfortunately for the Untouchabohs, the weather god Al ‘Weather Devil’ Roker removed the blessed sun from the sky and doused your glorious ‘Bohs with a short-lived yet torrential downpour! Fortunately for the ‘Bohs, they do not violate cardinal rules of this football-like game and QB Hughes proved to play well with wet balls. The focus of the Untouchabohs receivers increased as the rain became as intense as a motherly guilt trip around her birthday (just kidding mom!).
Following the score to put the ‘Bohs up 20-8 the soggy conditions caught-up to players on both sides of the field. During Team #98’s ensuing drive, calamity struck in the form of a sprained ankle for Lauren ‘I’m Engaged!’ Havery, who also recently participated in the Baltimore Marathon. Due to the lightly-staffed Fe-Untouchabohs this meant that they would play the rest of the game 7-on-8. Filled with concern for their injured friend the intensity level increased for the remainder of the game – and with 13 minutes remaining there was still plenty of time. Execution of the ‘Offense is Defense, Bitch!’ Offense (Henceforth known as the OD,B offense) became critical.
Several completions to Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne, Will ‘The Engineer’ Gray, and Lauren ‘I don’t wear cleats, even when I can run the risk of tearing my hamstring so terribly that it requires surgery to reattach it to by hip-bone, like Ray Lewis had in 2005, as Al Roker called for rain and the field is turning to mush and someone on my team got hurt too’ Asghari. The BSSCPN read of the game occurred on this drive as the quarterback, sensing their focus increasing as the game was slipping from their grasp, eyed-up Mr. Layne for the completion. As the defense converged on Mr. Layne like vultures converging on a dead, bloated, rhinoceros, the QB pumped and tossed the ball to an uncovered receiver almost 20 yards downfield. Confidence brimming, arrogance diffused, and the opponent deflated, the Untouchabohs scored a touchdown and two-point conversion to extend the lead to 28-14.
The game ended with a final score of 36-26 as the teams traded touchdowns on the remaining possessions. Of note, a failed ‘Irish’ play that will be used on gender conversions the rest of the season… perhaps the team shall utilize Fe-QBDBMVP Lauren Asghari as the receiver to gain an extra point on the conversion. All told, the Untouchabohs were still able to outscore the overnamed opponent (Really? We Are Who You Thought We Were? Lame.) 16-14 despite being down a key female. Kudos to the focused Untouchabohs and their OD,B offense.
Next up is one more undefeated team as the Untouchabohs face Jessica Marshall’s Johnson In the Slot (Team #138, Royal Blue, 6-0) on Patterson High School Field #5 at 11:00 am. Participation will be crucial as 4 of the ‘Bohs’ last 5 losses, over two seasons were driven by a forfeit or a lack of adequate substitutions. It should also be noted that one of those losses occurred at Patterson High School Field #4 when an unholy demon of a referee sabotaged the vainglorious Untouchabohs. Hopefully, if the Untouchabohs can execute, they can rename this opponent and Jessica Marshall will find that the Johnson is actually in the...
Potpourri: The Untouchabohs will face their fourth undefeated team this season, not including the week 1 contest before teams had played; ‘Bohs QBs have thrown 30 TDs and 1 interception; The turnover differential today was 2-0 in favor of the ‘Bohs (not including the end of game drive); Gender play touchdowns included a 1-0 for the ‘Bohs; Johnson In The Slot has already played 4 games at PHS #5 and may have a home-field advantage of sorts; Though nobody can really keep track, it appears the ‘Bohs won the time-of-possession by some undisclosed margin; Humor visited concurrently with the rain when the ex-football playing referee decided to 'swim move' the Untouchabohs' offensive line and sack the 'Bohs' QB...
Injuries: Lauren Havery (ankle) – Doubtful, Chris Nelson (moving) – Out, Darian Asghari (ankle, quad) – Questionable, Keith Levin (ankle) – Probable, Tim Lambert (lucidity) – Probable, Adrian Hughes, V (speed) – Probable (yup, his speed is broken).
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Intrepid Untouchabohs Seeking to Defeat 5-0 Team #98
Defense and Clock Management Keys to Victory
A showdown of sorts will occur this Saturday as two playoff-caliber teams come head-to-head on LK Field #2 at 10:00 am. The undefeated We Are Who You Thought We Were (Team #98, Black, 5-0) face Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 4-1) in a home matchup that could determine who enters the postseason.
Chaz Chikeka will most likely lead his team at the quarterback position as he did last fall against the Untouchabohs in a game the ‘Bohs forfeited due to lack of game-time attendance. The team employs two quarterbacks in a similar way to the ‘Bohs’ gameplan – with one QB dominating the passing game and the second dominating the rushing game.
Defense will be key for the Untouchabohs – this is another quarterback who calls routes at the line of scrimmage, similar to what we saw when playing the Mustangs in Week 4. Uttered several times last season, the ‘F’ receiver (the 7th receiver on the line of scrimmage when counting from right to left) was told to run a route that appeared consistent. Additionally, this team repeatedly goes deep which will hopefully be their downfall.
On offense, the ‘Bohs will operate their version of the ‘Spread’ offense where everyone spreads out and runs routes that are unknown even to the quarterback. In addition to reading the defense, the ‘Bohs QB needs to read the receiver too. That said, several designed running plays with Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levin taking the direct snap while in motion is certain to confuse the defense. A secret weapon has emerged from the 3.5 person Tuesday practice and will also be unveiled on Saturday. A tight ball control offense that favors conservative playcalling in the first half will control the clock, keep the defense fresh, and keep the opponent’s offense on the sideline.
This team has abundant athleticism and will be a formidable opponent so execution shall be the third key component of this game. The Untouchabohs begin the first possession of their games lacking a sense of urgency while also dropping the ball consistently. This type of laissez-faire attitude will not allow a defeat of the undefeated WAWYTWW.
See you all at the game this Saturday, let’s go Untouchabohs!
A showdown of sorts will occur this Saturday as two playoff-caliber teams come head-to-head on LK Field #2 at 10:00 am. The undefeated We Are Who You Thought We Were (Team #98, Black, 5-0) face Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 4-1) in a home matchup that could determine who enters the postseason.
Chaz Chikeka will most likely lead his team at the quarterback position as he did last fall against the Untouchabohs in a game the ‘Bohs forfeited due to lack of game-time attendance. The team employs two quarterbacks in a similar way to the ‘Bohs’ gameplan – with one QB dominating the passing game and the second dominating the rushing game.
Defense will be key for the Untouchabohs – this is another quarterback who calls routes at the line of scrimmage, similar to what we saw when playing the Mustangs in Week 4. Uttered several times last season, the ‘F’ receiver (the 7th receiver on the line of scrimmage when counting from right to left) was told to run a route that appeared consistent. Additionally, this team repeatedly goes deep which will hopefully be their downfall.
On offense, the ‘Bohs will operate their version of the ‘Spread’ offense where everyone spreads out and runs routes that are unknown even to the quarterback. In addition to reading the defense, the ‘Bohs QB needs to read the receiver too. That said, several designed running plays with Keith ‘Don’t Call Me Klevin’ Levin taking the direct snap while in motion is certain to confuse the defense. A secret weapon has emerged from the 3.5 person Tuesday practice and will also be unveiled on Saturday. A tight ball control offense that favors conservative playcalling in the first half will control the clock, keep the defense fresh, and keep the opponent’s offense on the sideline.
This team has abundant athleticism and will be a formidable opponent so execution shall be the third key component of this game. The Untouchabohs begin the first possession of their games lacking a sense of urgency while also dropping the ball consistently. This type of laissez-faire attitude will not allow a defeat of the undefeated WAWYTWW.
See you all at the game this Saturday, let’s go Untouchabohs!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Untouchabohs Display Grit, Guile, and Guts in Come-From Behind VICTORY
Nelson Seals Deal in 34-28 Victory
(Aqua Iggy News) 10 October 2009 – Two BSSC 3rd-league titans collided today at Lou Karpouzie Field #2 (LK #2) in a game marred by horrendous officiating, a spitting rain, traffic complications, and an ugly opponent as the glorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 4-1) upended the overconfident Charm City Blitz (Team #105, Light Blue, 4-1).
Starting 7-on-8 due to the marathon-related traffic issues your Untouchabohs used a ton of clock to get a 4th-and-Mid about 5 yards from the line-of-gain. The quarterback Hughes, faking a pass to the right, sprinted (truffle-shuffle) left and crossed the midline with the ball and was THEN tagged by a dim-witted defender on the Pansy Blues. But wait, there’s more! The high-pitched sideline judge, high on the fumes emanating from his stinky feet and obviously intoxicated, said that the ball and not the whole body of the quarterback crossed the midline - which is a turnover – and the Pansies have the edge. Quick acting by Chris ‘Full’ Nelson and the newly-married (Congrats Will!) Will ‘The Engineer’ Gray kept the animalistically-crazed Hughes in check as he was extremely close to throwing the football through the Sputnik-sized noggin of the Forrest Gump-like referee.
Charm City Blitz quickly drove down the field on the intensified ‘Bohs to score and convert a two-pointer and go up 7-0 after the turnover. This tragic tomfoolery served to focus the talented ‘Bohs who were gaining reserves, and momentum, by the moment as the Asgharis, Biscotti Binetti, and Lexi K. arrived sporadically through the first half. The Untouchabohs, on high alert, drove down the field with a purpose to bring the score to 6-7. It should be noted that the Pansies attempt to unravel the opponent’s character by audibly ‘slapping’ their hands on the ball carriers and bruising team members. Shame, since the Untouchabohs are a team with such high character that foreign countries send diplomats to ‘Bohs games to observe superior sportsmanship. With character peaking and momentum building the tides were turning in a glorious way.
Defense wins championships and there are two ways to play defense in this league. The first is by controlling the clock when on offense and managing down, distance, and gender. Here, second year-quarterback Hughes seems to have finally figured it out though he is aided by the most athletic receiving corps in the BSSCXSLF (no, that’s not a roman numeral) league. The second is by playing a well-coordinated man-to-man defense with shut down players. It was on this defensive stop-of-destiny that Chris ‘Shutdown’ Nelson (fueled by ethanol) ripped the semi-inflated composite leather (no pigskin here) out of the hands of the opponent for a game changing interception.
The Untouchabohs controlled the clock to drive down the field and score a crucial TD to bring it to 12-7. Several amazing catches were made; the best was a highly contested, sideline-hugging, tightrope –walking reception by the female Asghari that will be retired as one of the BSSCPN Top 100 plays of all time. The length of this drive was vital since the Pansy Blue, who thought they were better than they were despite coming into the game with four wins against teams with a combined 4-12 record. They lost their cool and allowed time to expire in the first half without scoring again. Defense wins championships and the Untouchabohs were in the lead.
Halftime brought an unexpected environmental lesson from the Geologist regarding the origin of the field name and factoids about the adjacent property. The field, named after a Baltimore gentleman/roughneck who was the manager of the city’s Department of Special Events and spent off-hours feeding the poor and hungry in Patterson High School’s cafeteria, also sits adjacent to a highly-contaminated superfund site in Baltimore. That ‘driving range’ you can view is actually a cap over a leaky landfill that has contributed a 2.5 mile plume of chlorinated solvents to the east and south under several city neighborhoods.
The aggressive and tactless taggers drove down to score on the first possession of the second half with a 6 minute drive aided by several poor calls by the oaf-like puddle of daisy-yellow attired goo. All told, the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, did not yield the conversion and trailed again 12-13. Unfazed, the ‘Bohs’ offense took the field against the Sky Blue Snowballers (not involving ice, if you get my drift), known throughout the league as a hideously disfigured team, and peppered them with a mixture of short and intermediate passes culminating in a score so satisfying it felt more like kissing Mia Hamm and less like kissing a baked ham. The pass to the corner of the end zone put the lead at 18-13. The two-pointer, a lofted pass through the cold, black, heart of the defense, found its way into the supple hands of Bruce ‘McConversion’ McMillion to further put the antagonists behind 20-13.
Defense wins championships, and the Untouchabohs’ females are championship caliber in both looks and skills. Neither whoreish nor promiscuous, though gorgeous, the female ‘Bohs exhibit the skillz that pay the billz. On a crucial third down on Team 105’s side of the field the Lady Untouchabohs adeptly stopped the female Charm City Blitz counterparts, who appeared to have been blitzed themselves repeatedly throughout life, forcing the unthinkable. This little piggy’s attempt to tie the game went wee-wee-wee all the way home as the punt, a rare occurrence in such a league, fell directly on the cone (that covered the dead body...).
Foresight is important in winning games and the only ‘fore’ that the Powder Blue Pansies displayed was a forlorn quality as the punt landed in ‘Bohs territory. Had foresight been present, this team would have chosen the wind in the second half. Had they done so, the punt would have been with the wind and would have likely gained more yards. Thank heavens for the ‘Bohs that the smooth-brained leaders of the Light Blue Brigade chose as poorly as that German dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Assuming the Untouchabohs could mount a drive it would spell penultimate doom for the aqua-esque assenters.
Hughes then mixed passes to both genders while feigning runs to get the team to a 4th-and-Mid with about 5 yards to go. After enduring another count by the high-pitched, indigo-clad, and somewhat moronic line judge who defines the word ‘doofus,’ screaming “1-button, 2-button, etc…” like a squirrel on crack, the QB attempted a short completion to Darian ‘Adective’ Asghari. The ass, aka ‘defender,’ tried to go through Mr. Asghari to break up the play and the ball hit the ground – or did it. A unified team front staged by the Untouchabohs trumped the weakling referee’s impotent confusion and the catch was declared, amazingly, a catch. Replays later showed a blatant case of pass interference that appeared more like the dry-humping of the receiver’s, um, naughty bits.
The spirit of the evil powder blue boxes of tools never really broke – or perhaps that was simply the perception of a bunch of wacked-out amphetamine-laden boll weevil-ish – as they feverishly smacked, beat, and spanked the Untouchabohs in the hopes of causing retaliation. Such juvenile tactics never work on a team with character best described as granite-like, and at worst, extraordinary. Your Baltimore Untouchabohs drove down the field and scored another key touchdown. The dagger of a two-point conversion (McConversion again) pushed the lead to 28-13.
Team 105 answered with a score and conversion to get the game within 8 at 28-20 in a display of angry pride of which the Dark One would have been proud. Never to be outdone, the Untouchabohs, now lead by an angry Hughes, took the cue from their quarterback and key receivers and went for the jugular. Setting up the deep ball all game with fake scrambles and shovel-passes, Hughes feigned a shovel pass to Danielle ’20 catches’ Madison and examined the defense on the tandem routes of Chris ‘The Closer’ Nelson and Keith ‘Throw it Deep’ Levin. The routes worked, the pump fake froze the safety like a crab on dry ice, and the QB delivered a deep full-field spiral to Nelson in full stride – all the while one could hear the wind leaving the sails of the Evil Blues as the goal line was crossed.
A garbage-time score finalized the score at 34-28 though it took a remarkable bounce, another blown call, and some unnecessary roughness by the Light Blue Asses to make that happen with 2 seconds remaining. The ball was downed to end the game and the righteous were rewarded with a victory extracted from the clutches of potential defeat. The BSSC deities smiled on the classy, disciplined, and focused Untouchabohs who never blinked in the face of adversity. In fact, they unified and became stronger in the face of a petulant paper-tiger present in the form of the Charm City Schlitz (um, beer ;-) ).
Up next for the Untouchabohs is Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-3 at time of press) coached by Lauren Hoffman on Saturday, 17 October 2009 at Patterson Park Field #7. This is a trap game for the Untouchabohs who last lost on an odd numbered date (3 October 2009) at Patterson Park and also lost to the Spring Team #119 (Da Borough) in last year’s finale. Focus will need to be on display as will a need to work on conversions as the two other remaining games are against Team #98 (4-0) and Team #138 (4-0).
Potpourri: Team 105 featured a childhood rival of Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren; “Don’t Call Me Klevin” appeared after 1.5 hours of traffic due to the marathon and contributed greatly to the win; the duo known as ‘Klavery’ is engaged and we all congratulate you both on the announcement! Hughes lost his voice temporarily, along with his mind, when picked during a TD; His repeated screams of ‘Pick’ echoed throughout the field causing strange stares from everyone present; JD’s is a wonderful place for post-game libations; The ‘Bohs have outscored opponents 176-118 this season – 25TDs and 1 INT (40% conversions); Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert made a wonderful play on a deep ball in the first half; Hughes should have intercepted the ball and will spend the week doing interval training to increase explosiveness; The combined record of Go Deep’s opponents this year is 4-12 while they have only beaten Team #132 who is winless; I’m celebrating my Mom’s birthday this Saturday; The ring that Keith picked out is very attractive; Da Borough, from last year, is now in the Tastes Great league; Kudos to Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne and Lauren Havery who were the Untouchabohs’ members to run in part or all of the Baltimore Marathon, great work!
(Aqua Iggy News) 10 October 2009 – Two BSSC 3rd-league titans collided today at Lou Karpouzie Field #2 (LK #2) in a game marred by horrendous officiating, a spitting rain, traffic complications, and an ugly opponent as the glorious Untouchabohs (Team #130, Purple, 4-1) upended the overconfident Charm City Blitz (Team #105, Light Blue, 4-1).
Starting 7-on-8 due to the marathon-related traffic issues your Untouchabohs used a ton of clock to get a 4th-and-Mid about 5 yards from the line-of-gain. The quarterback Hughes, faking a pass to the right, sprinted (truffle-shuffle) left and crossed the midline with the ball and was THEN tagged by a dim-witted defender on the Pansy Blues. But wait, there’s more! The high-pitched sideline judge, high on the fumes emanating from his stinky feet and obviously intoxicated, said that the ball and not the whole body of the quarterback crossed the midline - which is a turnover – and the Pansies have the edge. Quick acting by Chris ‘Full’ Nelson and the newly-married (Congrats Will!) Will ‘The Engineer’ Gray kept the animalistically-crazed Hughes in check as he was extremely close to throwing the football through the Sputnik-sized noggin of the Forrest Gump-like referee.
Charm City Blitz quickly drove down the field on the intensified ‘Bohs to score and convert a two-pointer and go up 7-0 after the turnover. This tragic tomfoolery served to focus the talented ‘Bohs who were gaining reserves, and momentum, by the moment as the Asgharis, Biscotti Binetti, and Lexi K. arrived sporadically through the first half. The Untouchabohs, on high alert, drove down the field with a purpose to bring the score to 6-7. It should be noted that the Pansies attempt to unravel the opponent’s character by audibly ‘slapping’ their hands on the ball carriers and bruising team members. Shame, since the Untouchabohs are a team with such high character that foreign countries send diplomats to ‘Bohs games to observe superior sportsmanship. With character peaking and momentum building the tides were turning in a glorious way.
Defense wins championships and there are two ways to play defense in this league. The first is by controlling the clock when on offense and managing down, distance, and gender. Here, second year-quarterback Hughes seems to have finally figured it out though he is aided by the most athletic receiving corps in the BSSCXSLF (no, that’s not a roman numeral) league. The second is by playing a well-coordinated man-to-man defense with shut down players. It was on this defensive stop-of-destiny that Chris ‘Shutdown’ Nelson (fueled by ethanol) ripped the semi-inflated composite leather (no pigskin here) out of the hands of the opponent for a game changing interception.
The Untouchabohs controlled the clock to drive down the field and score a crucial TD to bring it to 12-7. Several amazing catches were made; the best was a highly contested, sideline-hugging, tightrope –walking reception by the female Asghari that will be retired as one of the BSSCPN Top 100 plays of all time. The length of this drive was vital since the Pansy Blue, who thought they were better than they were despite coming into the game with four wins against teams with a combined 4-12 record. They lost their cool and allowed time to expire in the first half without scoring again. Defense wins championships and the Untouchabohs were in the lead.
Halftime brought an unexpected environmental lesson from the Geologist regarding the origin of the field name and factoids about the adjacent property. The field, named after a Baltimore gentleman/roughneck who was the manager of the city’s Department of Special Events and spent off-hours feeding the poor and hungry in Patterson High School’s cafeteria, also sits adjacent to a highly-contaminated superfund site in Baltimore. That ‘driving range’ you can view is actually a cap over a leaky landfill that has contributed a 2.5 mile plume of chlorinated solvents to the east and south under several city neighborhoods.
The aggressive and tactless taggers drove down to score on the first possession of the second half with a 6 minute drive aided by several poor calls by the oaf-like puddle of daisy-yellow attired goo. All told, the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, did not yield the conversion and trailed again 12-13. Unfazed, the ‘Bohs’ offense took the field against the Sky Blue Snowballers (not involving ice, if you get my drift), known throughout the league as a hideously disfigured team, and peppered them with a mixture of short and intermediate passes culminating in a score so satisfying it felt more like kissing Mia Hamm and less like kissing a baked ham. The pass to the corner of the end zone put the lead at 18-13. The two-pointer, a lofted pass through the cold, black, heart of the defense, found its way into the supple hands of Bruce ‘McConversion’ McMillion to further put the antagonists behind 20-13.
Defense wins championships, and the Untouchabohs’ females are championship caliber in both looks and skills. Neither whoreish nor promiscuous, though gorgeous, the female ‘Bohs exhibit the skillz that pay the billz. On a crucial third down on Team 105’s side of the field the Lady Untouchabohs adeptly stopped the female Charm City Blitz counterparts, who appeared to have been blitzed themselves repeatedly throughout life, forcing the unthinkable. This little piggy’s attempt to tie the game went wee-wee-wee all the way home as the punt, a rare occurrence in such a league, fell directly on the cone (that covered the dead body...).
Foresight is important in winning games and the only ‘fore’ that the Powder Blue Pansies displayed was a forlorn quality as the punt landed in ‘Bohs territory. Had foresight been present, this team would have chosen the wind in the second half. Had they done so, the punt would have been with the wind and would have likely gained more yards. Thank heavens for the ‘Bohs that the smooth-brained leaders of the Light Blue Brigade chose as poorly as that German dude in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Assuming the Untouchabohs could mount a drive it would spell penultimate doom for the aqua-esque assenters.
Hughes then mixed passes to both genders while feigning runs to get the team to a 4th-and-Mid with about 5 yards to go. After enduring another count by the high-pitched, indigo-clad, and somewhat moronic line judge who defines the word ‘doofus,’ screaming “1-button, 2-button, etc…” like a squirrel on crack, the QB attempted a short completion to Darian ‘Adective’ Asghari. The ass, aka ‘defender,’ tried to go through Mr. Asghari to break up the play and the ball hit the ground – or did it. A unified team front staged by the Untouchabohs trumped the weakling referee’s impotent confusion and the catch was declared, amazingly, a catch. Replays later showed a blatant case of pass interference that appeared more like the dry-humping of the receiver’s, um, naughty bits.
The spirit of the evil powder blue boxes of tools never really broke – or perhaps that was simply the perception of a bunch of wacked-out amphetamine-laden boll weevil-ish – as they feverishly smacked, beat, and spanked the Untouchabohs in the hopes of causing retaliation. Such juvenile tactics never work on a team with character best described as granite-like, and at worst, extraordinary. Your Baltimore Untouchabohs drove down the field and scored another key touchdown. The dagger of a two-point conversion (McConversion again) pushed the lead to 28-13.
Team 105 answered with a score and conversion to get the game within 8 at 28-20 in a display of angry pride of which the Dark One would have been proud. Never to be outdone, the Untouchabohs, now lead by an angry Hughes, took the cue from their quarterback and key receivers and went for the jugular. Setting up the deep ball all game with fake scrambles and shovel-passes, Hughes feigned a shovel pass to Danielle ’20 catches’ Madison and examined the defense on the tandem routes of Chris ‘The Closer’ Nelson and Keith ‘Throw it Deep’ Levin. The routes worked, the pump fake froze the safety like a crab on dry ice, and the QB delivered a deep full-field spiral to Nelson in full stride – all the while one could hear the wind leaving the sails of the Evil Blues as the goal line was crossed.
A garbage-time score finalized the score at 34-28 though it took a remarkable bounce, another blown call, and some unnecessary roughness by the Light Blue Asses to make that happen with 2 seconds remaining. The ball was downed to end the game and the righteous were rewarded with a victory extracted from the clutches of potential defeat. The BSSC deities smiled on the classy, disciplined, and focused Untouchabohs who never blinked in the face of adversity. In fact, they unified and became stronger in the face of a petulant paper-tiger present in the form of the Charm City Schlitz (um, beer ;-) ).
Up next for the Untouchabohs is Go Deep (Team #119, Black, 1-3 at time of press) coached by Lauren Hoffman on Saturday, 17 October 2009 at Patterson Park Field #7. This is a trap game for the Untouchabohs who last lost on an odd numbered date (3 October 2009) at Patterson Park and also lost to the Spring Team #119 (Da Borough) in last year’s finale. Focus will need to be on display as will a need to work on conversions as the two other remaining games are against Team #98 (4-0) and Team #138 (4-0).
Potpourri: Team 105 featured a childhood rival of Aaron ‘The Franchise’ Warren; “Don’t Call Me Klevin” appeared after 1.5 hours of traffic due to the marathon and contributed greatly to the win; the duo known as ‘Klavery’ is engaged and we all congratulate you both on the announcement! Hughes lost his voice temporarily, along with his mind, when picked during a TD; His repeated screams of ‘Pick’ echoed throughout the field causing strange stares from everyone present; JD’s is a wonderful place for post-game libations; The ‘Bohs have outscored opponents 176-118 this season – 25TDs and 1 INT (40% conversions); Tim ‘Mad Dog’ Lambert made a wonderful play on a deep ball in the first half; Hughes should have intercepted the ball and will spend the week doing interval training to increase explosiveness; The combined record of Go Deep’s opponents this year is 4-12 while they have only beaten Team #132 who is winless; I’m celebrating my Mom’s birthday this Saturday; The ring that Keith picked out is very attractive; Da Borough, from last year, is now in the Tastes Great league; Kudos to Jonny ‘Secret Agent’ Layne and Lauren Havery who were the Untouchabohs’ members to run in part or all of the Baltimore Marathon, great work!
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