Spring Season Starts Sunday During Vernal Equinox

20 March 2011 - 1:21 PM EST... Spring Equinox

Disassociated Press (18 March 2011) - Last season, extensive and painful blizzards put off the start of the season by one week and this year was no different - save for the style of precipitation. A week of torrential rains soaked the freshly-seeded fields so thoroughly that Mike Cray, Grand Overlord of all things BSSC, hired field-minions to prevent Patterson Park practices and delayed 2011 Spring Opening Day until the Vernal Equinox.

Few things could be more fitting that having the Untouchabohs, known throughout the league as an attractive team, playing during the equinox. Distributing the ball equally between receivers regardless of down, distance, or gender, the 'Bohs epitomize equality.  Though the opponents find the number of losses unequal to the number of wins when facing the 'Bohs, opponents have learned their place is to be gracious losers.

Aided by the return of the Coach, Tim 'Warlock' Lambert and his uncanny ability to lose coin tosses AND gain both the ball and the direction; Darian 'The guy in red shorts is good' Asghari at safety; Danielle 'Doctor.' Madison; Keith 'Don't Call me Klevin' Levin; and other key players you already know, the 2011 squad is tasked with having the most fun one can have in a coed-two hand touch-beer league-third tier-football club. Several new additions will be forced to quickly learn the Immutable Laws of the Untouchabohs - only for advanced readers - and how JD's Brisket fares against the fare of other Canton dining establishments.

The primary tenets of the ODB offense will remain in place, though, with conversions no longer being an issue for the team, the offense is now one of the best out of all 234 teams. That said, gender plays will still control the pace and attack of the offense, and second down will remain a focus to eliminate 4th-down-forced-gender.

On defense, we all know, that defense wins championships... and the Untouchabohs play the fiercest man-zone in the world. With the all-BSSC safety backing up a team of intense male/female cover cornerbacks, teams can rarely go deep... but if they do, they are forced to pay the consequences. Forcing turnovers puts the ball back in the hands of the offense, and the complexion of each game turns to favor your vainglorious 'Bohs.

Expectations will cede to reality on the day of the 2011 Vernal Equinox. Despite one's best efforts to cast aside expectations or preconceived notions, they will inevitably affect the perception of a season that will be successful. The goal is to focus on the relationships and magic that will accompany the competition - no matter the result of the games.

Wins and losses will come and go, but the character of this team will resonate throughout history, forevermore...